Prayerful Parenting©
April - June 2002

Segment One: Parents as first teachers

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© What can you tell about a child by listening to the length and complexity of his or her sentences? A lot. You can discern personality, intellectual potential, glimpses of the home environment, and even the child's future success in school. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and in recent years, I have noticed some disturbing changes in the speech of 3, 4, and 5 year old children around me. They point and whine when they should be making verbal requests. This is an indicator of busy parents who baby children in order to save time. I have also noticed seemingly bright children who don't know colors, shapes, and important concept words. This can be traced back to too much television and little time with books. Also, this happens when parents don't seek out a quality pre-school program. Even children with stay at home moms or dads need pre-school, so don't scrimp on that. Finally, model and insist on complete sentences when engaging children age 3 or up in conversation. Make it fun. Take your time, but pull those words out of your child. You are building neural connections that will last a lifetime.

Segment Two: Secularism

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© I love the message of 1 John: 3-1 " See how great a love the father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God and such we are." But it goes on. "For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him" This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and as Prayerful Parents, we need to understand that the world indeed does not know us as Christians, does not recognize nor affirm our values, because fewer Americans even identify themselves as followers of Christ. Are you surprised to learn that the number of Americans who don't identify themselves with any religion at all has more than doubled in the past decade? An October 2001 study done by the City University of New York reports that almost 30 million people, about 14% of the population consider themselves to be secular in their beliefs. Only 77% of Americans name themselves as Christian at any level, and among many of those, the association in nominal. Is it any wonder that abuse, pornography, murder, and abortion abound in our culture? The sustaining love of Christ is absent in many homes, in many cities, because individuals have not only neglected His word, they have rejected HIM entirely.

Segment Three: Television Violence

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Here's a shocking new piece of research: "Teenagers who watch more than an hour of television a day are much more likely to become violent in later years than the rare adolescent who watches less." Teenage boys are at greatest risk according to the study, done at Columbia University in NYC. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and since 60% of television programming contains violence and boys are visual learners whose brains zero in on the visual, this is no surprise. What is interesting is the fact that when researchers accounted for other contributing factors, such as childhood neglect, low family income, and even psychiatric disorders, the link was firm. Proverbs 11:29 is clear: "He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind." Television and its equally dangerous kin, video games and violent computer games make your child less intelligent, less reasonable, and more prone to violence. Don't fall prey to the excuse that hand held video games and Nintendo's improve eye hand coordination. Go outside and toss a ball around or play tennis. The results will be improved physical and mental health.

Segment Four:

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Just in time for the summer wedding blitz, here are some words of warning, "opposites attract and then they attack." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while an individual who is very different from you in terms of beliefs, values, lifestyle, and goals may seem utterly fascinating while dating, the chance of having a sustained, serene, and secure marriage are slim to none. Dr. Jeffrey Larson, an instructor in marriage and family therapy at Brigham Young University and author of a book on marriage says that significant religious differences may be the toughest impediment to a successful marriage. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is very clear: "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" Every day, I pray that God will prepare godly, Christian husbands for my daughters. I boldly ask God for this, knowing that the burden of marriage to an unbeliever would cause my daughters pain, sadness, and separation from beliefs that they hold dear.

Segment Five: Child abuse and the Church

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Can there be a greater betrayal than a man of God molesting innocent children? The thought of it terrifies parents and horrifies believers, and yet one of the most influential churches in the world, indeed the church that God told Peter He would build Himself, hid thousands of incidents of sexual exploitation of children in order to protect the abusers, the institution, and their financial holdings. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this isn't the first time that I have addressed the issue of sexual abuse of children by those who should be trusted. Several colleagues and I published a series of articles about the phenomenon of "passing the trash" in schools. "Passing the trash" is a blunt term for the practice of moving abusive teachers from school to school or pedophile priests from parish to parish in order to cover up the sin. What makes me saddest, whether the abuse occurs in schools, scout groups, locker rooms, or churches, is the fact that the abusers don't even seem sorry. They are just sorry that they got caught. 1 Corinthians 6:18 is clear: "Flee immorality". It doesn't say, "Pass the trash and hope nobody finds out."

Segment Six: Marriage Works

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© My daughters and I were at a state fair, enjoying some frozen custard and caramel corn, when we walked past one of those neat booths where you can get your picture on a tee shirt along with a glittering saying. I watched with interest as a young girl, perhaps 15 or 16 years old had her infant child and boyfriend photographed with the inspiring words :"My baby's daddy". This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and much as I love carnival treats, I lost my appetite. Illegitimacy is not something to be proud of, or to proclaim. It should make us sad and worried. Children whose parents never marry are significantly more likely to do poorly in school, poorly in health, and poorly in social relationships. This happens because they tend to be poor and stay poor. That is why President Bush's plan to promote healthy marriages with $200 million in funding for counseling, treatment, and support of marriage is so welcome. It is a fresh approach to a problem that is increasingly trying. Marriage is a good thing, for men, for women, and for their children. Wouldn't it be cool to see young men sporting shirts that said: "Married and waiting to have children until we are ready". That would be a nice change.

Segment Seven: Grumpy Men

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Over 22 years of observing marriages, my own and those around me, I thought I saw a truth emerging. It was a very strange truth, so at first, I ignored it. Then, researchers at the University of Oregon affirmed my hunch with a study published in February 0f 2002. You may be surprised by the findings. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and what researchers confirmed and I had discerned, was that over the course of marriage, men tend to ignore the emotional needs of their wives and children during say the first 2 decades. During this time, women divorce them, immerse themselves in child rearing, or create a rich circle of friends and projects that keep them happy enough. Then, sometime around retirement age, men suddenly become "as interested in giving and receiving love as they once were in making professional conquests or acquiring power". Faced with their own immortality, finally valuing their wives, these men were not grumpy old men, they were needy and ready to play. Their wives on the other hand, had shut done long ago and resented this affection as too little, too late. God's word is helpful: "Rejoice with the wife of thy youth." Proverbs 12:8. Perhaps men should add on a line and don't wait until you are too old to enjoy it.

Segment Eight: Infant Homicide

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© When do you think a child's life is most at risk? Those dangerous teen years around 17 or 18 when they might drink and drive? Headstrong 11 year olds who want to go to the mall on their own? Precocious toddlers who grin at strangers? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while each phase brings unique risks, a child is most likely to be killed by someone during the first week of life, with 82% of slayings occurring on the first day of birth. The killer is not a murky stranger, but the child's own mother. The Centers for Disease Control reported in March 2002 that infant homicide is a real risk, especially with uneducated, young mothers and when the births do not occur in a hospital. The second peak time for infant murder is between the 6th and 8th weeks of life, when babies may cry constantly and be difficult to comfort. Parenting doesn't come naturally to everyone. When a child is born into a situation where he or she is unwanted, resented, or creates a family crisis, the threat is extremely grave. Prayerful parents need to stand ready to mentor, counsel, and intervene when they see infants born into risky situations. The worst can happen and often does.

Segment Nine: Dangers of Porn

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© This message is not for little ears. Would you have ever thought that Postal Inspectors in the US and Canada would break up an underground network of adults who traded kiddie porn that featured their own children? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and repulsive as this message is, it needs to be aired. The Internet is breeding this kind of abomination and men are easily drawn into increasingly bizarre levels of pornographic content. In one of the largest, most comprehensive surveys of men who surf the net for porn, MSNBC found that most men begin looking at porn out of pure curiosity, just to check it out. Because men are stimulated by the visual, and the Internet offers such a variety of forbidden experiences, and because it is so easy to indulge in a secret, seemingly harmless porn habit, men are quickly addicted. Many men spend up to 6 hours per week looking at porn. Others will use the porn as a springboard to prostitutes, affairs, and even incest. It is sick, but it is true. There is no harmless exploration of pornography on the Internet. Romans 1:28 says: "God gave them over to a depraved mind". The first step toward depravity likely came when they clicked on an Internet porn site.

Segment Ten: Family Time

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© I don't know about you, but this Spring ended up being one of the most over-scheduled, stressful semesters in my experience as a wife and mother. By Spring break, we were all physically sick and sick of our crazy schedules. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I guess my family isn't alone. The town of Ridgewood, New Jersey got together and declared a "night off from everything" no homework, no meetings, no sports practices. It took an 18-member committee half a dozen meetings to carve out one Tuesday night in March that all could live with. I applaud them, but is it enough? I ask them, as I must ask myself, are we living as God wants us to live? Proverbs 16 reminds us: "Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established." And later on in chapter 23: "Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it." Good words. Strong words. I am going to do a better job of saying no as soon as I pick up ink cartridges for Carolyn's term paper, dash in to get Gary's work shirts from the drycleaner, catch Audrey's track meet, and drop off a meal for the homeless shelter. Then, I'll think about it. How about you?

Segment Eleven: Gum Chewing Makes Your Smarter

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© One of my students, who knows that I love bits of brain-science trivia sent me this study. Teachers and dentists may hate to hear it, but gum chewing can make you smarter. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and researchers at Britain's University of Northumbria concluded that gum chewing has a positive effect on thinking and memory. Researcher Andrew Scholey says: "People recalled more words and performed better in tests on working memory" when they chewed gum. The flavor doesn't seem to matter, but heart rate does. It seems that gum chewers have a slightly increased heart rate, perhaps 1.5 beats more per minute that helps to improve the delivery of oxygen and glucose to the brain, at least enough to increase memory. Also, sugared gum adds a boost of insulin and there are insulin receptors in the brain that are important for memory and learning. It is pretty interesting stuff, but a brisk walk and a piece of fruit could make the same difference and not get you written up for detention.

Segment Twelve: 5 fun summer treats

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone. As I prepare these messages, the country is setting the clocks an hour forward for daylight saving's time. How will you spend these extra, warm and sunny hours of spring and summer? Perhaps some of these ideas will motivate you. (1) Stroll through a farmer's market and select a garden fresh dinner of veggies only. Grill corn and potatoes. Slice strawberries and melon. Feast on God's bounty. (2) Take a family bike ride or walk after supper instead of settling in front of the TV or computer. (3) Spruce up the house by sweeping walkways, cleaning out the garage, and hanging baskets of flowers on the porch. (4) Make a freezer of ice cream and invite a few older friends over who may be lonely or just alone. (5) Go and cheer on your local high school, college, or community softball team, especially if they are having a bad season. You might be their inspiration. Ecclesiastes 3 says: "There is an appointed time for everything" and summer is the time to savor sunny hours with your family.

Segment Thirteen: How to Stay Christian in College

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© This Fall, Gary and I will send our older daughter off to college. I already miss her and the departure date is 5 months away! This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and though the transition from home to university is a tough one, I feel confident in my daughter's ability to maintain her faith and values. We have been working on it for years. One of the best strategies, according to our 18 year old, has been role-playing and discussing possible situations and conflicts that challenge her values. A wonderful book that guided us was How to Stay Christian in College, which we ordered off the Internet, though it is found in Christian bookstores. How do you deal with an atheist professor who makes fun of you in English class? How do you respond when a date provokes you to anger about your beliefs? How do you choose friends who affirm you and successfully witness to those who don't? J. Budzistweski covers it all so well that our university recently gave away 100 copies to students at a values and ethics luncheon set up to discuss tough topics. How DO you stay Christian in college? Start thinking about it long before you move into the dorm.

Segment Fourteen: Mother's Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© When you think of Mother's Day, consider one of the most prayerful parents in the Bible, Hannah, the mother of Samuel. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and you remember the story. Hannah was barren, and petitioned God to give her a child, promising to consecrate him to God's service. I Samuel 1-9. What is interesting is that according to the study book, "All of the Women of the Bible", Hannah was the fourth great woman in the Bible who grieved because she had not conceived, and was by far, the most prayerful. " Sarah laughed when she heard she would bear a child in her old age; Rebekah bore her trial with listlessness and indifference, and Rachel seemed irritated, exclaiming; "Give me a child or I die." Hannah was humble and grateful. She recognized the great gift and blessing of motherhood in a way that few women had before or since. Through prayer, Hannah got her child from God and through prayer, she prepared her son for a destiny that would change the world.

Segment Fifteen: Father's Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Father's Day is typically a time to bring gifts to one's dad or grand-dad or to have a family celebration honoring dads, young and old. But, this summer, let's turn it around and invite fathers to give a gift to their families the gift of a calm, loving spirit. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and as I studied God's word to prepare this message, a common theme emerged around the behavior of fathers help...the importance of controlling anger and responding with wisdom. These two behaviors are inseparable and integral to family life. Proverbs 3: "My son, do not let kindness and truth leave you." "He who is slow to anger has great understanding." Proverbs 14:29. "A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back" Proverbs 29:11. Look at Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." Finally, Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart." Fatherhood is a privilege, not a right and God has clearly set His expectations for men, starting with a mandate to control anger and to impart wisdom.

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