Prayerful Parenting ©
Fall 1999 Messages (July - November 1999)

Segment One: Ten Things You Must Do Before the Summer is Over

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Are you one of those parents who has a list of good intentions at the beginning of summer, but never quite manages to do the neat, memorable things that would make your family’s summer special? That’s me. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Psalm 90:12 admonishes us to "Number our days and recognize how few they are." So here are 10 neat things to do before the summer leaves us. 1) Make homemade ice cream 2) Fly a kite 3) Sit in a wading pool 4) Take a night walk to look for fireflies 5) Send funny post cards 6) Praise God for the blessings of summer 7) Eat supper on the porch 8) Savor a watermelon 9) Visit a new park and 10) Put up an American Flag. Happy, prayerful summer.

Segment Two: Do we really love children?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. It is hard for me to even share this message. My heart is so sad. In this morning’s paper, I read about a mother who confessed to killing her 8 babies and then claiming that they were taken by crib death. On the same page, a young father admitted to planning his infant son’s murder, even before the baby was conceived, as a way of getting even with the child’s mother. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and we are not really a people who love and care for children. That much is clear. From the murder of a child beauty pageant winner to the almost daily occurrence of shaken baby syndrome, little ones suffer and die at the hands of those close to them. Isaiah 40:11 says that Jesus "tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms." Today, take time to pray for protection for the innocent lambs who are our children.

Segment Three: Good news about home schooling

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. It seems that Home Schoolers earned an honor roll report card this year. According to a new study published in the March issue of Educational Policy Analysis Archives, students taught at home score higher on standardized achievement tests than do their publicly schooled comrades. In fact most homeschoolers score between the 70^th and 80^th percentile in all areas, which means that they are doing better than 70 to 80 percent of youngsters in their age groups. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and that is good news, not just for those who choose home schooling, but for the children who are obviously mastering curriculum that they need to know. Homeschooling isn’t for every family, but it can be a good choice. And, by the way out of the 20,000 kids who participated in the study 1 in 4 were a grade ahead of their peers. They can go to the head of the class.

Segment Four: Lazy Kids

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Is there anything worse than a lazy child? I often tell my students at the university that I can help them if they don’t understand and I can encourage them if they are worried, but there is little to be done for a lazy kid, especially by the time he or she is 18 years old! This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Proverbs 18:9 says: "One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys." That seems like pretty harsh language, but it really isn’t. Laziness is a sin, and it is destructive to a child and to those around him or her. How much do you expect from your kids? Do they have a work ethic? Are they self-motivated? Do they work with integrity? If they don’t know how to work, it is probably because you never made them "hit a lick at a black snake" as we say in the South. Are you raising a lazy child?

Segment Five: Playing Favorites

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. It is hard sometimes, not to show favoritism toward one child in the family. But that is not what God wants us to do. After all , in Acts 10:34, we are told that "God does not show favoritism." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and as prayerful parents, we need to give each child the time and attention that he or she needs, especially during periods of illness, conflict, or self-doubt. Yet, we need to be honest with our other children about why we make certain choices. For example, you might say "I am giving Megan a later curfew because she is 16 and on the honor roll. She earned this time." Or, "I am letting Dan go to the office with me today, because he needs a quiet place to study for his science test." Playing favorites is not the same as giving kids what they need at different points in time. Just make sure that is what you are doing.

Segment Six: Do you have to get a divorce?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. In a current issue of a popular women’s magazine, a pediatrician talks about an eight year old child who was brought in for diagnosis. His parents feared that he was sick, indicating insomnia, weight loss, and frequent crying. Finding nothing physically wrong, the insightful doctor asked the child to draw a picture of his family. The boy drew a strange scene, in which he was not included. It turned out that his parents were in the midst of a messy pre-divorce. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I ask you to prayerfully consider your options before you choose divorce. Your children will be damaged. Forever. Like the parents in the doctor’s office, you may not realize that your children will truly suffer. You just want your way. But at what cost? Remember 2 Corinthians 7:1 encourages us to "Turn away from everything wrong, in body and spirit."

Segment Eight: Religion and Teens

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. If you ever doubted that taking your teens to church makes a difference, then listen to these recent statistics found in the newspaper, USA Today. When comparing teens who attend church at least 4 times per month with those who attend services less than once each month, the differences are startling. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and would you have guessed that un-churched teens are 3 times more likely to smoke pot or twice as likely to drink alcohol? Psalm 101 says: "I will try to walk a blameless path, but I need your help." Teens need to hear God’s word, to feel the closeness of a church family, to see their parents worshipping the God of the universe, and to know that there is a God who is stronger than any temptation that they might encounter. Your teens will not have the strength to resist temptation unless you maintain the strength to take them to church, every week, and to pray for them just about every other minute of the rest of the week.

Segment Nine: Do you know the Bible?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Recently, I had lunch with an old friend from college. He had been battling a serious physical and emotional challenge, and was weak and shaken. During the meal, I mentioned a scripture from the book of John, and how it had helped me. My friend shook his head and said almost angrily: "You don’t get it Linda. I don’t know any words from the Bible. I never read the Bible. I don’t have a Bible. I don’t know what you mean." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and my heart broke for my friend. Many of your friends are in the same situation. Though 93% of households own one or more Bible’s only 12% of adults actually read from it on a regular basis. Almost half of Americans do not read the Bible at all and 31% say that the Bible is just too difficult to understand. I can only wonder, would these numbers be the same if parents began right now to bring the Bible into daily use so that their children could know its value? Within 48 hours, my friend had the scriptures to read. That was the easy part. Now I need to pray that he turns to them.

Segment Ten: Working 24 Hours Per Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Can you escape work? Or does it follow you home? Maybe you work like me and my husband Gary, who maintain home offices. The work is in our home. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a recent study concluded that Americans are getting sick and depressed from the very technology that was designed to make our work lives easier. If you have a fax machine at home, then it becomes easy to dash upstairs and send out one more memo instead of finishing dinner. I burned a nice pot pie that way last week. Email is a sneaky creature too. Have you ever tried to talk to your spouse while he or she is furtively glancing at a dancing screen? Very annoying. Psalm 127 says: "It is senseless for you to work so hard from early morning until evening, for God wants his loved ones to get their proper rest." As usual, God is right. Send that out on spam mail today.

Segment Eleven: Sending Kids to College

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. I teach at a Christian University, and it is a wonderful place to be. I hope that the students feel the same way. But I wonder, at this time of the year, how their parents feel about sending kids away to a strange place…..Christian or not, it is still college. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and here is a list of important items that can help your child to feel "at home" while away from home. 1) Lots of phone cards to call home 2) A tin of homemade cookies 3) A favorite blanket or stuffed animal 4) Family pictures 5) Funny email messages 6) A subscription to the local newspaper 7) Certificates for dinner out at a favorite restaurant 8) Care packages every month 9) Cards from caring adults at home, such as the pastor, youth minister, or family friends and 10) Daily prayer for his or her protection and discernment. And by the way, stay in touch with faculty advisors and favorite professors, we have kids too. We understand.

Segment Twelve: Five Ways to Welcome a New Mom Home

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. I went to a baby shower last weekend. It felt kind of weird. My baby is twelve years old and I have kind of lost that "baby feeling". But that is okay, I have a fresh perspective on things that might be valuable. I am far enough away to realize what a new mother might really want and need from friends. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and here is my list of 5 fresh ways to welcome a new mom home. 1) Go in with a few friends and give her 2 visits from a professional cleaning team. She will love you forever. 2) Book her a post-baby appointment for a manicure and offer to babysit while she goes 3) Buy diapers in any size except teenie-weenie infant 4) Bring a casserole over for dinner even if she tells you not to bother and 5) Give her a gift certificate for her favorite baby store. She can choose something that nobody else has given her. Titus 2:7 says: "Be an example of good deeds of every kind." Remember, a good deed to a new mom may not be a frilly new outfit, but an offer of free baby care while she takes a nap.

Segment Thirteen: Fear the Lord

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Jesus came to earth to bring love and peace and joy and most importantly, salvation. That is a wonderful thing for us to teach our children. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I want my children to choose Christ, just as He has chosen them. But to make that choice, they will have to learn to fear the Lord. Perhaps my theology is a bit lapse here, but I really believe this to be true. Unless we teach children to fear the Lord, to fear the consequences of sin, to fear the emptiness of life without the comfort of the Holy Spirit, to fear the chaos of living without God’s Holy word, then why would they seek and choose to walk with Jesus?

Proverbs 9:10 says : "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Teach your children the healthy fear of God. It is one of the most neglected jobs in parenting.

Segment Fourteen: Love Your Spouse

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Gary and I seem to be embarrassing our teen aged daughters a lot these days. We move the girls aside to sit next to one another in restaurant booths. I called him a "hunk" yesterday, which made the girls gag and he made some complimentary remarks when I dressed up to go out the other night, which also made the girls roll their eyes. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I think this kind of mortification is good for our daughters. They need to see their parents showing love and affection. No, we are not the perfect couple. We are not even one of those touchy-feely kinds of couples. We just keep that spark going and enjoy being married. It takes a lot of work, especially after 20 years. But it is worth it. Ephesians 5:33 says: "Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Love doesn’t occur without effort. Are you making that effort?

Segment Fifteen: Back to School

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. It is September and time to send children back to school. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I have taught public and private school and trained future teachers. I know about going back to school. But I’m afraid that many parents, even prayerful parents don’t really understand what it means to get back into the school routine. Here are some suggestions for making this school year a success. 1) Kids need to be in bed early. They need rest if they are to learn. 2) Kids need a healthy diet. Protein feeds brain cells and protein isn’t found in potato chips and cola. 3) Kids need to have their homework supervised. 4) The papers in the back pack need to be reviewed and signed. They don’t crawl out of the backpack on their own and 5) You need a relationship with your child’s teacher. Make the effort. It is worth every minute.

Segment Sixteen: The Real Horrors of Halloween

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I love the season of Autumn. It is my favorite time of year. I love the crisp weather, the tart apples, the colorful leaves. The only part that brings me down is Halloween. What is Halloween anyway? It is the remains of an ancient pagan ritual that has been packaged as a family event. Don’t be fooled. Witches are real. The devil is a dangerous force to invite into your home and Halloween is a waste of your time and money. As Christians, we need to use discernment in dealing with Halloween. I have allowed my children to make simple costumes such as bunny rabbits and ballet dancers and knock on the next door neighbor’s door for candy. Beyond that, I have some real concerns. Scary costumes scare children. That is psychologically damaging. Scary talk of the devil and witchcraft scare me. Halloween is spiritually dangerous and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Segment Seventeen: Dangers of Ritalin

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. In a recent issue of Home Life magazine, I wrote about the practice of prescribing Ritalin to deal with active boys who might not have a real attention problem, but who are just….active, undisciplined boys. I was not prepared for the response. Parents are eager to find alternatives to Ritalin. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and parents are wise to think twice before putting their kids on this powerful drug. Remember, Ritalin is a dexadrine derivative. That is the same as speed or diet pills. It can have serious long-term side effects, such as heart damage and stunting growth. Moreover, there is mounting evidence that Ritalin may lead to more serious emotional outbursts and uncontrolled behavior. Published reports suggest that many of the teenaged boys involved in school shootings had been on Ritalin for a number of years. With 2.5 youngsters taking Ritalin daily, we need to stop and think about the long term dangers of this powerful drug.

Segment Eighteen: Abusive Parents Do Brain Damage

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. Doctors have long known how abuse and violence in the home cause physical damage to children, and psychologists offer counseling for the emotional scars that abuse can leaves, but what can one do when abuse actually causes the brain to change its form and functioning? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and cognitive science, the study of how the brain behaves during thinking, learning, and relationships is one of my favorite areas of research. Unfortunately, one of the latest findings in cognitive science is terribly sad. Researchers from the Child Emotion Research Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin-Madison have discovered that the brains of abused children are actually wired differently from the brains of non-abused children. Chronic abuse, taking the form of violence, anger, and fear changes the way that children think. In fact, abused children’s brain begin to react even at the mere suggestion of anger, such as an angry facial expression. For prayerful parents, it is an important warning. Learn to control your anger, or you may damage your child’s spirit and his mind.

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