Prayerful Parenting©
January - April 2003

Segment One: Sanctity of Human Life

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Are you familiar with Citation #410 U.S. 113 of the Supreme Court of the United States? Here’ a hint, the case was argued on December 13, 1971; reargued on October 11, 1972 and decided on January 22, 1973. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the Roe vs Wade decision legalizing abortion is an auspicious 30 years old this winter and carries with it a legacy of over 40 million legal murders of unborn children. The Planned Parenthood organization celebrated with a holiday greeting card that proclaimed “Choice on Earth”. Their blatant mocking of the birthday of Jesus Christ went largely un-noticed by most Americans, including Christians. In fact, one liberal minister whom I heard speaking on the issue flatly stated that he believed the Jesus would support the card and the right to abortion, because he( Jesus) believed in the rights of individuals to seek their own destiny. In the book of Job, chapter 23, the prophet announces: “But I am not silenced by the darkness”. If you are a believer and you can hear my voice, I beg of you, do not be silenced by this darkness. The cries of 40 million babies drown out the sordid message of “Choice on Earth.”

Segment Two: Teens and Smoking Danger

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© There are so many threats to our kids’ health and well being today. Ecstasy or “X”; crack cocaine, and the old reliable marijuana, but did you realize the greatest long-term threat to your child’s health is probably cigarettes, and that smoking is enjoying a renaissance among young people? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a rash of studies show that while there has been a slight drop in the number of teens lighting up, more kids are smoking for more unusual reasons and their number is growing. “Nicotine relieves anxiety in adults, and has the same calming effect in kids,” says Edwin fisher, Ph.D, a professor of pediatrics at Washington University. Teens from all socio-economic and religious backgrounds are choosing cigarettes to help them deal with stress, to help lose weight, and, in the case of the latest trend, hand-rolled Indian bidi¸ a sweet, dark tobacco that tastes like lollipops, for the flavor. Christian kids often view cigarettes as a fairly harmless vice and may indulge to help defray peer pressure to do other drugs or alcohol. How dangerous is it? The younger a smoker starts, the more likely he or she is to die of lung cancer, and with over 2000 kids lighting up for the first time every day, the risks are increasing astronomically.

Segment Three: Divorce Rate and Christians

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© In one week this Fall, three couples that I know separated. Each story was different, but there was a common thread among all three: at one point, each couple had been active in church and all the spouses involved considered themselves to be Christians. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the crisis in Christian marriage is so great that churches are becoming actively involved in the fight to save marriages. James. L. Furrow, a professor at Fuller Theological Seminary’s School says: “Churches should take a leading role because they have a moral position in the importance of commitment people make to one another.” At this point, one third of “born again” Christians have gone through at least one divorce. Why is it that Christians will go to the mat about SUV’s, the sexual orientation of cartoon characters, and the supposed evil of public schools, but won’t acknowledge the very real threat that divorce poses to our culture? Is it our pre-occupation with individualism, narcissism, and consumerism as the research suggests? Probably. Or maybe Christians ignore the warning of Proverbs 4: 22: “Watch over your heart with diligence”. Divorce is often simply and sadly, the result of a straying and selfish heart.

Segment Four: Kids of Working Moms

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© In my work as a professor of education, I devote time to helping schools find grant money and advise teachers on best practices for instruction. Over the past 5 years, I have become alarmed over the growing number of children who are being diagnosed as special needs, with everything from ADD to Autism. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and why are so many children struggling to learn, especially with tasks involving language, problem-solving, and social interaction? One of the underlying reasons for the mental and social deterioration of our young may be found in a new study done at Columbia University. Children whose mothers return to work full time, before the child is 9 months old score lower on tests of cognitive and verbal ability. Other studies show that these same children may show attachment disorders and difficulty with social relationships. Feminist groups and even conservative voices do not deny this research, but blast the researchers for attempting to make working parents feel guilty. Job chapter 6 says: “How painful are honest words”. Little babies don’t belong with strangers nor raised in a litter like puppies. Find a way to delay leaving your baby for long periods of time, even if it means downsizing your SUV or your house in the suburbs. Your child’s IQ may depend on it.

Segment Five: Punishing Christians On College Campuses

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Wouldn’t it be nice to be assured that you child’s teacher was a person of high moral standards? For years, school districts in the US and Canada have relied on Christian colleges to prepare individuals to work in the service professions such as teaching, because their graduates have not only a sound academic preparation, but an implicit, highly marketable moral code. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a disturbing court case in British Columbia may have trickle down implications for our own Christian colleges. Future teachers at Trinity Western University near Vancouver must do their last year of training at a secular college, because their program was denied accreditation by the British Columbia College of Teachers, an accrediting teacher’s organization. It seems that all students at the college must sign a “Community Standards Agreement”, a pledge stating that they will not engage in immoral behavior, including homosexuality. The college was accused of “discriminatory practices that are contrary to the public interest and public policy”. It seems that requiring future teachers to pledge moral integrity would result in practicing teachers who are unfair and judgmental to others. Hundreds of thousands of dollars and several appeals later, the case drags on. I’ll be listening carefully for the outcome, because all of our religious colleges and professional programs are under attack.

Segment Six: Valentine’s Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Happy Valentine’s Day or is there much to be happy about? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and according to a recent article in USA Today, “Marriage is declining as the linchpin for raising kids and establishing households.” In 1972, 73% of children lived with their original parents, who were married, by 1998, 51% of them did. Add to that, the fact that by 1996, 32% of births, every 3rd birth, was to an unwed mother, and we have a society in which most children do not and have never lived with two married parents. Children who are not raised in healthy, intact families have a hard time in this life. Make no mistake about it. If you are going to have children, you need to be married and you need to stay married. Committed, married love is essential to raising morally strong, emotionally sound children. In the book of Luke, we find the question: “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth”? Perhaps we should ask ourselves, how would God view our faithlessness in marriage and our casual attitude toward illegitimacy? Are we faithful to His teachings on marriage and family? It will take more than a fancy card and a box of chocolates on February 14th to restore our families. It will take a miracle.

Segment Seven: Who are We?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Recently, the Barna Research organization asked a group of people with no connection to the Christian faith how they felt about evangelicals, born again Christians, ministers and other types of people. The results were astonishing. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and you may be surprised to learn that non-Christians responded that: 1)Of the groups whose image was evaluated, ministers ranked second and born again Christians ranked third, but evangelicals came in tenth out of the eleven - beating out prostitutes 2)Only one-third of those who have no connection with Christianity have a favorable impression of born again Christians; just one-fifth feel positively towards evangelicals;3) The more highly educated a person without a Christian connection is, the less likely he is to have a positive impression of Christians. It is okay to be “born again”, but not to be an Evangelical Christian in America. We are considered shifty, stupid, manipulative, and unreliable. How did our image become so tarnished? Instead of being associated with positive social change, with redeeming good works, with Biblical truth, Evangelicals are one step above prostitutes in the eyes of those whom we need to reach for Christ. I think they said it best in the movie Apollo 13: “Houston….We have a problem”.

Segment Eight: Americans View Bible and Quran as Equal

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Are the Bible and the Quran equal expressions of the same spiritual truth? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and according to a recent poll by the Barna Research Group, 44% of adults polled said that the Bible the Koran and the Book of Mormon are just different expressions of the same truth. Our understanding of the authority of Biblical truth and of the supremacy of Jesus Christ seem to be diluted by conflicting world views. It is no wonder. Few believers bother to investigate the Quran nor their own Holy text, the Bible. Moreover, watered down versions of Islamic texts, such as Approaching the Koran, which was required reading for students at UNC Chapel Hill, give heavily annotated excerpts of Muslim doctrine that leave young minds with the impression that Islam is a kind and gentle religion. This book leaves out passages such as 9:5 of The Sword Verse: that says: “Slay the infidels wherever ye find them” or from The Accessions[8.65] “O Prophet! urge the believers to war; if there are twenty patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a hundred of you they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they are a people who do not understand.” We really are a people who do not understand: the Bible and the Koran are not the same message.

Segment Nine: Sorcery School?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Another Harry Potter movie came out this Winter and parents are lining up with their kids, even very young kids, for an exciting and harmless adventure in the world of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All harmless. All fantasy. Right? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I am one of those narrow-minded moms who worries about the long-term implications of celebrating witchcraft. Maybe kids can’t separate the real from the imaginary? Maybe some of them don’t want to. In Klagenfurt, Austria, you can now enroll in Hexenschule: literally translated as Witch School. The founders of the Witch School told USA today that they “owe a debt to Harry Potter”, since their enrollment has doubled since the movie came out last year. Over 100 students are currently studying for their Masters of Witchcraft degree, which includes a 30 page thesis paper. The school supply list is available online and includes a protection charm to “ boost your protective circle” and a pendulum to “help you ascertain the distance to specific energy sources”. Gee, thanks Harry Potter.

Segment Ten: Fun in Sunday School

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© What’s going on when Time© magazine does a major story on Sunday school? It appears that churches are making an effort to put more “fun” into Sunday school, and it is working. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and churches are using puppets, videos, cooking, and hands-on teaching strategies to get children’s attention and to keep them interested in coming to church. Attendance is mushrooming in these settings. Though some critics claim that this may be diluting the message, and I must say that The Gospel According to Harry Potter crosses the line of my personal sensibilities, there is more good here than harm. Keep in mind that many children are making a decision to come to Sunday School on their own. Their parents do not take them, because their parents don’t go to church themselves. This means that youth ministers, the fastest growing church position in the country, are on the front lines of evangelism. They must use child-friendly, enthusiastic policies for curriculum design. Moreover, these strategies mesh with current brain research on how children learn best. Acts 13:49 says: “And the word of the Lord was being spread through the whole region.” So, skateboarding, surfing, baking unleavened bread…whatever it takes.

Segment Eleven: Babies and Language

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Did you know that the Bible speaks of the importance of talking to your children? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and Deuteronomy 6:7 says: “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. “ The passage refers to the law of Moses, but there is another message. Young children learn language and values from talking with and listening to their parents from an early age. We now know that a child’s neural connections can be increased by up to 25% through an enriched environment that includes lots of language. Notice how the scripture says: “when you lie down”. Do you think of a bedtime story? How about “when you walk along the road”? Daily activities turn into life lessons when you talk with your child. “When you get up” is a clue to begin each day with song, greeting, and prayer. Language builds brain connections and the quality and quantity of parent-child verbal interactions can actually change the size and structure of a child’s brain.

Segment Twelve: Music and the Brain

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Why should Prayerful Parents care about the rostro-medial prefrontal cortex? According to researchers at Dartmouth College, this part of the brain remembers music and also plays a key role in learning and in the response and control of human emotions. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and using functional MRI studies, researchers pinpointed the brain center for musical appreciation and published their results in the journal Science. It is important to parents because music can help to maximize learning and to calm and secure emotional response. The fact that musical response and interpretion live in the brain alongside higher order thinking and emotion give us a clue to parenting. Make music an important part of your child’s life from early on. Classical lullabies on a CD, early musical training, a variety of instruments to play with, can contribute to cognitive and emotional growth. It is interesting to note that “Those who were musicians, heads of Levite families, stayed in the rooms of the temple and were exempt from other duties because they were responsible for the work day and night. “1 Chronicles 9:32-34 Clearly, music plays an important role in our relationship to God and those who make music are seen as major contributors to the community.

Segment Thirteen:

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© After the holidays are over, some folks get depressed because there are no really big celebrations until Easter. Not me, I love the quiet winter days, a nesting time with the family. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and you may find these suggestions for winter relaxation and rejuvenation to be just what your family needs to take the chill off of winter. 1) Declare one night a week to be soup night, and let different family members experiment with creating a crock pot of soup to share. 2) Invite a single friend or older church member to share your pot of soup. They may be lonely during the long winter evenings. 3) Go through your closets and pick out extra blankets, sweaters, and coats and bring them to the local homeless shelter. 4) Begin an evening Bible reading time; 5) Get some sunshine. Spend a chilly winter afternoon outside walking the dog or riding bikes. Research shows that sunshine helps to alleviate anxiety and depression. 6) Decorate for winter. I can’t wait to put up my glittering and growing collection of Snowman Stuff. Most of all, give thanks to God for the long, beautiful season that is winter. Philippians 4:6 says: "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplications with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."

Segment Fourteen:

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© For new parents, bringing the baby home from the hospital is the start of the most confusing, exhausting, and challenging period of their lives, not to mention what the poor baby goes through! New parents often look for guidance.This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I offer these words of caution about adopting a formal parenting program of any kind with new babies. One school of Christian parenting advocates strict scheduling for infants. By letting a hungry or frightened baby cry for long periods of time, the infant will supposedly "teach himself" to stay on a schedule, a form of infant behavior modification and early discipline. Parents, this is dangerous and not natural. Babies enter the world completely trusting their parents for food, comfort, and warmth. Give it to them. So what if they cry to be picked up or want to be nursed every hour….you were not given a baby to make your life easier. Moreover, nursing is not a scheduled event. Mother's milk is sweet and thin, and babies need it frequently. Mothers need to nurse frequently in order to build their milk supply up. Nursing is supply and demand, not a scheduled performance. So don't buy into anyone's program. Do what makes sense for you and your baby. You don’t need a program nor a schedule for that.

Segment Fifteen:

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© This message is for Father Tony, a Franciscan priest who influenced my walk as a believer, and whose passion for Jesus Christ led me to become an Evangelical Christian. Father Tony knew how to get ready for Easter. He spent a lot of January, February, and March getting ready for Easter. As soon as the Christmas tree was tossed into the yard, he started talking about the sacrifice of Christ and how believers should prayerfully prepare for a remembrance of the Crucifixion. I remember one Holy Week service, in which he prostrated himself at the alter, overcome with sorrow and weak from fasting. He wanted us to see, through his life, how important Christ's sacrifice was for believers. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and my favorite devotional writer, Dr. Oswald Chambers shares this view, and cautions believers against teaching solely about a God of love, and ignoring the huge price that Christ paid for our sins by dying on the Cross. There is no greater love than the Cross, and we tend to gloss right over it and start celebrating the Resurrection. This winter, prayerful parents, consider how you will prepare you family for Resurrection Sunday. It was a long walk down the way of Sorrows for our Lord Jesus, and we need to teach our children to appreciate the sacrifice of the Cross in order to celebrate the Freedom of the Resurrection. Thank you Father Tony. I was listening.