Prayerful Parenting Online: January

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Do you ever wonder what plans God has for your children? Jer 29:11 (NIV) says: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Sometimes, we get the opportunity to see God's plans working out in unexpected ways. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I recently had a talk with a fellow Christian parent whose daughter attends a large and prestigious secular university. She told him about an ordinary mid-week study session that had an extraordinary outcome. As she and a Christian friend, both girls whose parents had offered them a thorough preparation in scripture, teaching, and even apologetics studied in a public area, they were invited to participate in a discussion with a group that self-titled itself “Skeptics”. The topic of the evening was homosexuality. The girls agreed to talk for 10 minutes. Two hours later, they were able to return to their original study activities, having shared the gospel and their own biblical worldview with a group that seemed fascinated by a pair of Christian women who knew their stuff and were able to share in a respectful, energetic, and thoughtful manner. Who knew how the years of Sunday School and Bible study would play out? Only God. And a group of skeptics whose lives were impacted by two obedient young women.

Segment Two: A Broken Heart

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Can you really die of a broken heart? We have heard the stories, like that of Merrill and Ethel Puerner who died within 10 hours of one another on Valentine's Day 1997. After 72 years of marriage, they could not imagine life without one another. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and the death of a spouse is clearly one of the most traumatic blows that life could offer. Only the death of one's child could possibly be more devastating. I have one Christian friend who, by the age of 40, had endured both. She is a living, walking testimony of one who survives on God's grace alone, but she has always been unique. What of other friends? How should Prayerful Parents minister? According to grief experts, two ideas are paramount: 1) Let them grieve on their own timetable. Avoid telling them to “move on” or “get over it”. It takes much longer than we can imagine. 2)Help them find a way to express the grief: painting, volunteering, running, writing, or just talking. Psalm 10:14 says: But you, O God, do see trouble and grief ; you consider it to take it in hand . Most of all, we need to intercede in prayer for those whose hearts are indeed breaking.

Segment Three: Happiness

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Where do the happiest people in the world reside? Canada perhaps? All that snow is beautiful. How about the wealthy and prosperous USA? Or the beautiful, natural continent of Australia? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and the results of a survey conducted by New Scientist magazine has some surprising results. “The African country of Nigeria has the highest percentage of happy people followed by Mexico, Venezuela, El Salvador, and Puerto Rico, while Russia, Armenia, and Romania have the fewest.” What about the US? We rank #16 overall, followed by Australia at #30 and Britain at #24. Happiness is a culturally transmitted emotion and our cultural reliance on consumerism and acquiring status may actually suppress happiness. Americans seem to be growing less happy, more stressed, and less connected to the source of true happiness and peace. Ecclesiastes 2:26 reminds us: To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness , but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Chasing after the wind doesn't bring happiness, but pleasing God does. I guess the folks in Nigeria have figured that out.

Segment Four: The Benefits of Charity

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© As Prayerful Parents, we teach our children that it is good to give and that generosity is the demonstration of a Christian Spirit. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I love the words of 2 Cor. 9:11: You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. Yet, while charity and generosity are part of a child's spiritual upbringing, it is also helpful to teach children about the practical aspects of participating in charity. There are some real-world applications for engaging in charity and volunteer work that can help your teenagers and college age youngsters to get ahead in life. According to the article “5 Ways That it Pays to Be Charitable” by Liz Pulliam Weston, charity can improve your career. How? One way is to use volunteer work to “parlay a raise or a better position”. Volunteer work at a non-profit helped one young woman to gain experience in fund-raising that landed her a good job. Another useful aspect of volunteering is to build a network of contacts. Another young person caught the attention of a powerful board member when he volunteered his time for a community organization. 44% of adults engage in volunteer work and we give about 3.2% of our household income to charity, but in the long-run, the payback for charity can be enormous in both spiritual and practical terms.

Segment Five: The Case for Marriage

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Does marriage really matter any more? With the fierce arguments raging over the issue of homosexual marriage and the constant figure of about 50% of traditional marriages ending in divorce, marriage as we know it is under attack. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and for a renewed understanding of how and why traditional marriage should be promoted and protected, pick up a copy of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially by Linda J. Waite , Maggie Gallagher . What do we know about marriage between a man and a woman? It produces healthier, more secure children. Married people report a more active and satisfying love life. Men actually live 10 years longer if they are married. Moreover, 93% of Americans say that marriage remains an important life goal. So, what is standing in the way of strong, traditional marriages? One word surfaces: selfishness. Men and women who are unwilling to make and keep commitments and who are unable to invest in someone other than themselves will not be able to keep a marriage together and that can have damaging results for their health, their wealth, their children, and their happiness. Hebrews 13:4 notes:” Marriage should be honored by all.” In our stressful, competitive culture, marriage may be the key to a long and healthy life.

Segment Six: Valentine's Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting .© Valentine's Day is February 14th and if you are dating or engaged, it is a Big Deal! The right card, the right gift, the right restaurant all figure into staying in the good graces of one's romantic partner. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I want to challenge Prayerful Parents to get back into the good romantic graces of your spouse, in ways that the world will not understand. Here is what you need to do. Stop for a few minutes and re-think your marriage vows. If you truly believe in a sacred, life-long commitment to marriage. If you believe that your first marriage is ordained by God, no matter how imperfect each partner might be….then you need to care for that marriage with the utmost sensitivity and sacrifice. If this is the only shot you will get at marriage….then you need to make two decisions right now; 1) Stop admiring other future mates and pay attention to your own mate. Lust is dangerous and a waste of time. 2) Stop tearing down your partner and start building him or her up. If you keep on bullying, nagging, and criticizing your husband or wife at the rate you are going, there will be nothing left in six months. 1 Cor. 13:14 says: “Love is patient. Love is kind.” Invest affection, support, and respect and you will have a marriage to cherish on Valentine's Day and every day.

Segment Seven: How to Say “I Love You.”

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© One of the best things about traveling for speaking engagements is staying in hotels. Like a child, I love the free little soaps and shampoos, the chocolate on the pillow and the newspaper under my door. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the free newspaper that many hotels provide is one that has a daily “snapshot” about our culture in the form of a graph. It can tell you a lot. For example, I saw one that asked how Americans feel about the best ways to show affection. 10% of us think that it takes a gift to show love. 10% believe that holding hands demonstrates caring. 20% look for a loving smile and a full 51% expect a more intimate gesture such as hugging and kissing to show love from a romantic partner. As Valentine's Day approaches, I offer a different perspective. Show love by paying attention to your spouse. The longer I am married, and it approaches a quarter of a century now, and the more I see of marriages that fail or succeed, the more I believe in the power of paying attention . Listening thoughtfully, participating in one another's projects, noticing when one feels tired or down, these all convey genuine devotion to the person and to the relationship. I'm not one to turn down a romantic gesture from my spouse, but it isn't the most important thing. Like the child in me who loves hotel goodies, I need some attention.

Segment Eight: TV Impacts Reading

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© As a teacher and a teacher of teachers at a Christian college, I know that there is no academic skill more important than reading. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and a child's ability to succeed in life, to graduate from high school, to gain and keep a good job, and to remain healthy may hinge on his or her ability to become a proficient reader by the end of the 3 rd grade. Learning to read is one of the most challenging tasks of childhood and research suggests that parents are doing everything they can to prevent their children from learning to read . Yes. Most parents are the enemies of reading proficiency. According to a report by the Kaiser Family Foundation and the Children's Digital Media Centers, “Children who live in homes where the television is on most of the time may have more trouble learning how to read than other kids their age.” Moreover, we know that 1 out of 3 children under the age of six have televisions in their own rooms and that children as young as six months of age are watching up to 2 hours of television per day. Television itself seems to cause cognitive dissonance, a sort of brain confusion that stands in the way of learning reading and other language skills. Perhaps more importantly, television takes the place of outdoor play and reading aloud to children, both important brain-building activities. Proverbs 11:29 laments: Proverbs 11:29 He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind.”

Segment Nine: Mothers and Stress

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Here's a news flash that will make mothers all over the planet pause for a laugh. “Neuroscientist Craig Kinsley of the University of Richmond found that female rats who have had one or more litters are much less stressed out when provoked than rats without pups.” His findings were published in the journal Physiology and Behavior . This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and this research on the brains of rats can probably be generalized to human beings. Neural plasticity, or the way that the brain adapts and molds itself to deal with the environment is a huge area of research and one that can impact the way that we live, learn, and thrive. What do we know about females that makes them so resilient? It seems that the “fear center” in their brains, the amygdala, doesn't “activate” as much once they have borne children. In other words, a mother turns off her own fear in order to do whatever it takes to take care of her babies. A mother's love is protective and powerful. She will juggle her time, stretch her resources, and down-play her own needs in order to raise her young. There is no doubt that fathers provide equally important contributions to the raising of the young, but they are different and unique contributions. When it comes to fearlessly negotiating the stressful demands of family life, a mother's brain seems to be designed to handle it. I wonder why? Perhaps that is part of God's plan for the family.

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© If you are feeling more pressured and stressed out at work, it is probably because you are! This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and new research on the state of the American workplace suggests that “With mass layoffs, seemingly endless workdays and disappearing vacations Americans are coping with enormous amounts of job stress.” Jane Weaver, a writer for MSNBC notes that there is pressure on workers who still have their jobs to take on more work and to neglect their families. The toll is deadly, with stress-related illnesses increasing rapidly and 60% of work-related absences due to psychological stress caused by over-work. The Japanese even have a name for this: karoshi means “death from overwork. If you are suffering from headaches, short-temper , or sleep disorders, then you may be a victim. How can God's people respond? Loud declarations and saying that “you won't” do something will probably not help much. The best route may be quiet action. Leave at 5:00. Turn off your pager when the workday is done. Unplug the phone. Ignore email on the weekends and renew your family and spiritual life. If something isn't done at work, then learn to walk away. The more you do, the more they will pile on. Remember the fairy tale about the girl who could spin straw into gold? The greedy king just kept demanding more, no matter how much she produced. Like the heroine in the story, you may have to be creative in order to save your own life.

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© It is the week of final exams at the college where I prepare future teachers and I read the most amazing “Classroom Management Plan” developed by one of my students. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and this insightful young teacher candidate included a formal component in her plan for teaching manners to her future students. She felt that no discipline plan, no matter how firmly rooted in good research or compelling strategies could work unless the children had been taught the basics of good manners . She is right. I believe that many of the disruptions and discipline-related problems that plague our classrooms today are the direct result of homes in which parents neither teach nor demonstrate good manners. In our rushed and rude culture, children seldom hear words like “please” or learn the proper way to eat, to address elders, or to show consideration for others in public. Proverbs 13:13 says: “He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.” I am proud of my future teacher for recognizing this need, but I am also saddened that she has to add the teaching of manners to her already packed curriculum because parents have neglected their own duties.

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© This message is for Father Tony, a Franciscan priest who influenced my walk as a believer, and whose passion for Jesus Christ led me to become an Evangelical Christian. Father Tony knew how to get ready for Easter. He spent a lot of January, February, and March getting ready for Easter. As soon as the Christmas tree was tossed into the yard, he started talking about the sacrifice of Christ and how believers should prayerfully prepare for a remembrance of the Crucifixion. I remember one Holy Week service, in which he prostrated himself at the alter, overcome with sorrow and weak from fasting. He wanted us to see, through his life, how important Christ's sacrifice was for believers. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and my favorite devotional writer, Dr. Oswald Chambers shares this view, and cautions believers against teaching solely about a God of love, and ignoring the huge price that Christ paid for our sins by dying on the Cross. There is no greater love than the Cross, and we tend to gloss right over it and start celebrating the Resurrection. Yet, Galatians 6:14 says:
”May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,” This winter , prayerful parents, consider how you will prepare you family for Resurrection Sunday. It was a long walk down the way of Sorrows for our Lord Jesus, and we need to teach our children to appreciate the sacrifice of the Cross in order to celebrate the Freedom of the Resurrection. Thank you Father Tony. I was listening

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© As I look around the sanctuary each Sunday, I can see the imprint of our culture on families. Single mothers and single fathers are struggling to raise children and to lead those children to the Lord. It is a tough job. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I want to encourage single mothers and fathers not to give up on church and on creating a Christian home. God has his eyes on your family as long as you keep your eyes on him. It is tempting to think that your situation is something new. It isn't. In the book of Acts, we read about Lydia, a “seller of purple fabric and a worshiper of God” whose whole family was baptized. There is also Timothy, one of the disciplines, “the son of a Jewish mother who was a believer, but his father as a Greek.” ( Acts 16) Both Lydia and Timothy were products of a family situation in which one obedient believer brought a family to the Lord. Why not you? In some churches, single parents feel awkward. You have nothing to apologize for. We are all in this together and working for the same goal, to have our homes sanctified and our children raised to know and fear the Lord. So don't give up even though you may feel a little left out or tired out on Sunday mornings. A believing single parent is precious to God and HE will be your other half on Sunday morning and every morning.

Segment Fourteen: Kids and Spring Sports

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© The other night at supper, the girls and I were laughing with their father about the early years of playing “tee ball” in the Spring. Neither one of the girls could hit the ball and forget about catching anything. We were clearly in it for the shirt and the experience. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and my husband and I are still playing Spring sports. We will be working the high school concession stand during track season while our daughter runs the two mile and maybe catch a tennis game when our college girl plays. They are pretty good athletes now, but that isn't the point. Spring sports can be good for families no matter how skilled the athletes. With so many overweight children, sports can increase fitness and flexibility. That is great. But there is more. Sports get children outside and help them to deal with stress and to build important skills such as teamwork and a work ethic. Participating in sports together builds family unity and shows children that their parents care enough to spend time coaching, watching, or driving to practices. The gift of time is precious to children and a spring sport may be a good way to spend that gift.

Segment Fifteen: Welcome Spring

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Zechariah 10:1 says: “Ask the LORD for rain in the springtime.” The rainfall and the other gifts of springtime are natural teaching tools for Prayerful Parents. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and here are some wonderful ways to teach your children about the power and providence of God in the natural world. Put on raingear and splash through puddles at the end of the driveway. Talk about the smells and sounds of a gentle rain. You are teaching appreciation of nature. Go to the flower nursery together and pick out bedding plants. Let your children plant and tend to their “own” patch of garden. You will be amazed at how responsible they can become. Decorate your porch and yard for Springtime. Look for Christian flags and garden ornaments that show your families' heritage and world view. This helps children establish a sense of identity. Bake and decorate cookies in fun spring shapes such as bunnies, chicks, and flowers. This can teach young children concepts such as colors, shapes, and new words. Finally, share the love of God during the Spring season. For several years, my young daughters and I brought pots of Spring flowers to decorate the bedside tables of invalids in a nursing home. For these older folks, the visit and the touch of color was a gift of rain from God. These lessons have lasted a lifetime.

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting Online

Segment One: Preparing Your Children to Speak the Truth