Segment One: New Year’s Resolutions

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. It is the first January of the new millennium, and an appropriate time for Prayerful Parents to make some resolutions. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I have a few ideas to get us started. This year, I am going to show my children a more bold witness for Jesus Christ. I’m going to say and do whatever it takes to give my children a model of a mother who is unashamedly a believer. This year, I am going to be a more loving wife, because I want my daughters to see how wonderful marriage can be. And finally, this year I am going to slow down and spend time with people who really matter, my daughters, my husband, my best friends from girlhood, my sisters, and those lonely people in my life whose needs I have brushed aside because I am so busy. Proverbs 16:3 reminds us to "Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established." This year, I am going to follow that advice and expect wonderful things to happen.

Segment Two: The Contentious Woman

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. There have been a lot of titillating books written about what men really want in a woman, but I think I can trump them all with a single verse from God’s Word. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Proverbs 21:9 says: "It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Men can’t abide a contentious woman, and if the truth were known, she doesn’t like herself either. The contentious woman is a nag, a grump, and a critic, and most of it is directed toward her husband. When I share my Contentious Woman talk at women’s retreats, lots of sisters contend that men deserve every nagging word, and maybe they do. But God’s word and hard experience have taught me that men don’t respond to bitterness and nagging. They do respond to kind words, praise, physical affection, and admiration. I challenge every Prayerful wife out there to substitute a word of praise or affection every time you want to nag and watch the miraculous results that occur after a few weeks. Your husband won’t be driven to the roof to escape you. He will want to be around you, just to hear the sweet words that will be directed, through the work of the Holy Spirit, toward him.

Segment Three: Smarter Babies

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Did you know that by the age of two years, a toddler’s cerebral cortex contains well over a hundred trillion synapses, or neural connections? This is the most dense collection of brain cells that your child will ever have, and within a few years, those connections that are not used and stimulated will begin pruning off. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and your child’s intelligence, creativity, and success in life depend largely on what you do or don’t do in the years between 0 and 3. Research shows that the most important thing you can do is to talk to your baby. There is a direct correlation between the sheer number of words a young child hears and his or her ability to do well in school. Just words, all the time, in lots of places. Songs, stories, finger plays, conversation. Engage your young child in a lifelong romance with words and music and he or she will develop a rich network of neural connections that will allow the full gifts of God to unfold. Psalms 78 speaks of "telling your children of the praises of the Lord and His wondrous works." God’s word is right on target. He wants us to be talking to our children, early on and all the time.

Segment Four: The Teen Brain

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. If you are the parent of a teenager, then this new research on the adolescent brain won’t be a shock. According to researchers writing in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, alcohol-dependent teens who drank heavily during early and middle adolescence have more difficulty recalling new information compared with teens who do not drink. "The findings suggest that teenagers who drink may be exposing their brains to the toxic effects of alcohol during a critical time in brain development. "This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this report is important to Prayerful Parents for two reasons. Listen carefully. We now know that the adolescent brain continues to develop until the early twenties, especially the prefrontal cortex, that area that controls decision making. Because their brains aren’t done yet, teens often make bad decisions. And, Christian teens seem to make just as many bad decisions, especially when alcohol is involved. The problem is, your child’s decision to drink alcohol can leave long-term, unrepairable damage to his or her brain. Talk to your kids openly about this research, and don’t assume that just because your child is a Christian, alcohol won’t be a temptation or a problem in his or her life.

Segment Five: Winter Blues

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Winter blues. Everyone gets them. A little bit of depression can’t really hurt. Or can it? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and research suggests that depression is truly dangerous, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I reviewed just a few of the studies that I stumbled on over the past few months, and can report that 1) depressed mothers can cause cortisol, the stress hormone, to rise in their babies, and this can depress a child’s mental development; 2) daily use of the Internet, for long periods of time, can cause depression; 3) depressed college students can stimulate depression in their roommates, and 4) smoking triggers depression in teens. What is even more interesting is the fact that medications, while useful in many cases, don’t solve the problem. In one study, those receiving a placebo showed just as much recovery as those receiving the medication. So what’s the real cure for the winter blues? God’s word and his work through the Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 7:6 says: "But God who comforts the depressed, comforted us in the coming of Titus." God’s comfort is the cure for depression. Ask for it today.

Segment Six: Abortion Truths

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©.On January 21st, we will mark the anniversary of the Roe vs. Way decision that legalized abortion in this country. Since that date, millions of babies have died and in a miraculous working of the Holy Spirit, the woman who was Jane Doe in the case recanted her stand on abortion and was baptized as a Christian. That’s good news. The bad news is that babies still die. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and as Prayerful Parents, we need to think about how we model our views on abortion to our children. Are we open, honest, and committed to Christ? When a group of little children stumbled open the remains of 64 aborted fetuses abandoned in a field, dumped by an abortion clinic a church organized to bury those babies with decency, even though they were threatened by the ACLU. They were motivated by love and by the children who asked why babies had been left there. Recently, I talked with a group of high school girls who were upset by the graphic pictures of aborted babies that protesters carried in front of their school. One innocent young girl said: "It isn’t fair to scare girls that way. I mean, they just don’t want to have a baby right now. They don’t mean to do that….."I responded gently, "Honey….that horrible thing that you saw….that is abortion. " What would you say?

Segment Seven: Television Violence

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. By now it should be clear that when children see violence, on television, movies, or video games, it has a direct, life-long impact on their psychological and spiritual development. Romans 1:28 talks of such things: "And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and parents should be careful not to swallow the myth that they can "discuss" violent scenes with their children and somehow dilute the impact. The brain captures the scenes and sounds and tucks them away in memory. Parents are virtually powerless to impact the outcome of television violence once it has been seen, but they can control what children see in the first place. According to a study released by the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania, the most discouraged programs, those that parents do not want their children to view include: The Simpsons, MTV, South Park, WWF Wrestling, Jerry Springer, Power Rangers, Friends, NYPD Blue, and all soap operas. Are any of these networks or programs a part of your child’s viewing?

Segment Eight: Time In, Not Time Out

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and when I appear on a local television program to take calls about parenting, many of the calls involve the question of discipline. How should prayerful parents deal with discipline? I like a model of Time In as much as Time Out. Time In is a new twist on discipline, in which parents address not only the behavior, but the environment in which the behavior occurred and the child’s thinking at the time of the inappropriate behavior. For example, a four year old who takes a toy from another child needs to walk through the situation, think about how the other child felt, correct the situation, and examine the play area to find something else to play with. Taking a Time In approach will take more time for parents, but it may help children to become more responsible and emotionally strong, not just obedient. Romans 6:14 says: "For sin shall not be a master over you, for you are not under the law, but under grace." Children need to think about their decisions, and seek God’s grace to help them control their behavior.

Segment Nine: Divorce is not the answer

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. A new study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Development suggests that children who lived in high-conflict homes may not have long-term problems after experiencing a divorce, whereas children who did not see conflict in their homes will suffer after a divorce. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and what does this new study on divorce signify? Just what God’s word has always said. God hates divorce, but more importantly, Hebrews 12:4 impresses us to "Let marriage be held in honor among all." The key to raising healthy happy children is to stay married, and happily married. Of course, children who see lots of anger and conflict welcome divorce, but that is not the answer. The answer is for prayerful parents to learn acceptance, compassion, patience, and respect for one another, so that their marriages are honorable before God. Divorce is the world’s answer, not God’s answer. Children never really recover from a divorce, and neither do their parents. Except in cases of abuse or addiction, divorce can usually be avoided, if adults are willing to make their marriages a priority and a privilege.

Segment Ten: The stones will cry out

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. One of my favorite scriptures in the New Testament is Luke 19:40. When Jesus is told to rebuke His disciples, he answers saying, "I tell you, if these become silent, the stones will cry out." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this passage is relevant to parents in 2001. We are far too silent when it comes to raising our children. Soon, the stones will have to cry out the truth, because we are too afraid of being labeled a zealot; too ignorant of the truth of God’s teaching; or too lazy to move out of our comfortable Sunday School classes or couches. What would the stones say in 2001? Perhaps that schools should not teach evolution as truth or pass out condoms to 6th graders? How about that having a baby out of wedlock is shameful or that choosing to abort that same baby would be murder? Maybe the stones would say that the way we talk to our spouses is purely evil or that our neglect of children is sad? Imagine that the stones that lay in your driveway or sidewalk would cry out against what goes on in your home or heart today. What would they say?

Segment Eleven: Hollywood and Parents

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Hollywood tried to pull a fast one on parents, but the media caught them. According to a recent report, "Hollywood has some explaining to do after a federal inquiry revealed that the entertainment industry intentionally markets violent content to children." That’s correct. Nearly 2/3 of R rated movies survey has marketing plans explicitly aimed at children, this according to the Federal Trade Commission. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and what is even more disturbing is that the FCC cited the industry for bringing young children into "focus groups" to actually preview violent or sexual material and try to find ways to market it to other youngsters. From Buffy the Vampire Slayer to M-rated video games, your children are in danger and it is all around them. In the print media, commercials, and movie previews, the material is explicit and aimed directly at your children. 1 Corinthians 2:15 says: "But he who is spiritual appraises all things." The prayerful parent should carefully appraise what is coming out of Hollywood today, and recognize that it is not of the Lord.

Segment Twelve: SIDS and Daycare

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Nothing could be more devastating than the loss of a child, and yet children die every day from SIDS ( Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and thankfully, there is new research that helps parents to avoid sudden infant death. Two factors, smoking in the home and placing children on their stomach while sleeping, seem to contribute to infant deaths and both can be avoided. But what if parents are doing the right things at home, and in a childcare setting, the wrong things happen? According to a new study, 20% of SIDS occur in a daycare setting where the caregivers fail to place infants on their backs to sleep. If you use daycare, talk with your provider about the importance of 1) never smoking around the baby and 2) always placing the baby on his or her back to sleep. Parents need to be vigilant in this, and make sure that daycare is just as safe and secure as time spent at home, especially where infants are concerned.

Segment Thirteen: The Middle School Years

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. What’s so interesting about children who are "caught in the middle"? Ages 11-13? If you ask some parents or middle school teachers, they will roll their eyes and ask for mercy. But if you ask some others, they will tell you that the middle years can be marvelous years. Your attitude toward and understanding of the middle grade child makes all the difference. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, a middle schooler needs 1) Lots of space and just as much direction. He or she needs to make new friends, but you must be careful to screen and monitor those friendships, because 11 to 13 year olds are often more concerned about fitting in than about doing the right thing. 2) Middle schoolers need structure. Their schoolwork is tougher, but they may not yet have the organizational skills to deal with it. If you’re not careful, grades will suddenly drop significantly. Finally, middle grade kids are ready to make a religious commitment that will affect the rest of their lives. One teacher told me: "If kids go bad, they do it in middle school, not high school." Make sure that your middle grade child has every opportunity to know Christ and the gospel, because he or she needs it now more than ever.

Segment Fourteen: Mom’s Nurturing is Good for Brains

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I have more good news about the opportunity to raise a smarter baby. Two studies suggest that 1) fatty acids in breast milk can " cause significant improvement in the mental development of babies and 2) mothers who coo and fuss over their babies are actually stimulating brain cells to grow. The two separate studies, published respectively in the Journal Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology and Nature Neuronscience support other research that compels us to pay attention to what goes on between mother and baby during the first weeks and months of life. Breastfeeding infants not only provides brain-building milk but offers important neuron-rich opportunities for close nurturing. Why then, do so few mothers, especially young, poor mothers whose babies are already at risk, avoid breastfeeding? God’s plan is for mothers to nurse their babies. He did it for the good of the mothers, their babies, and long-term for our society, because breast-fed babies grow up to be more intelligent, secure, and emotionally sound. It isn’t just opinion any more; science is proving it to be so.

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1999	July 1999 - November 1999
2000	January 2000 - March 2000 April 2000 - June 2000 July 2000 - October 2000
2001	January 2001 - March 2001 Spring 2001 Summer - Fall 2001 Fall 2001
2002	Ten Year Anniversary Spring 2002 April - June 2002 July - October 2002