Note to Readers: "Prayerful Parenting" is a copyrighted (© 1993) program, by Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and may not be reproduced without permission. Dr. Linda Karges-Bone is a professor of education at Charleston Southern University and the author of 17 books for teachers and parents. Her views do not necessarily express those of Charleston Southern University or the Southern Baptist Convention.

"Prayerful Parenting" © may be heard daily on WKCL 91.5 fm in Charleston, SC and nationally on the Family Radio Network on Saturday mornings.

Prayerful Parenting©
July - October 2002

Segment One: The Mustard Seed

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I'm feeling kind of old and wise today, so bear with me. You see, Gary and I just experienced the high school graduation of our oldest child and it was truly a life-changing event. Praise God, she is an honor graduate and has a full academic scholarship to college. She earned it all and her future is bright, but I'm still praying. Hard. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I want my daughters to have it all, career, marriage, health, happiness…and faith. Especially faith. That's why I searched for the perfect graduation gift, a little silver charm holding mustard seeds. Resting on a delicate chain around her neck, my daughter will be reminded of Matthew 17:20: "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.' " I know that there will be mountains and more in my girls' lives, but that faith in the God of the mustard seed and every part of creation will be all that they need.

Segment Two: Patriotism

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The 4th of July is a welcome summer holiday. Perfect for a pool party, a freezer of homemade ice cream, and waving a banner of red, white, and blue. But this year, with the anniversary of September 11th looming….is that enough? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I wonder if the strident patriotism of last Fall is more than a memory for most parents. There was a rush to buy car flags and to boldly hoist Old Glory from fire trucks, car dealerships, and restaurants, but fewer remain today. How quickly we forget. I wonder what our children think? Is Patriotism something that we drag out for emergencies? Kind of like our religion? It seems to be that way for most folks, unless they had to fight for patriotism. Last Sunday, my husband and I took a drive through a neighborhood known to be a retirement haven for US Navy vets on the Carolina coast. Not expensive, just simple brick houses and neat yards. But as I drove through, I saw the flag. Everywhere. Hundred of stars and stripes on poles in the yard, on pick-up trucks, hanging from porch railings, and on tee shirts as grizzled old sailors mowed their yards, and I was humbled.

Segment Three: Real Meaning of Missions

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© For three years, my sister Annie and my dear friend Janis and I co-directed a Sunday night program for little girls at our church. The focus was missions. It was neat. We read stories about missionaries like Lottie Moon and did a nice tea for older ladies from a rest home. We did a lot of crafts involving glue guns and beads and puffy paint. Most of the six year olds did a better job than me. I'm craft delayed. But I never really felt that we were getting across the idea of what mission work means. It would be different today. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and with the tragic death of Christian missionary Martin Burnham and the wounding of his wife Gracia, mission work takes on an authenticity that must be shared with young Christians. After being captured at a resort where they had been celebrating their wedding anniversary, the Burnhams were held by Muslim terrorists in the Philippine one jungle for a year. Special forces tracked and attempted a rescue in June 2002. Martin Burnham and a nurse died in the fire-fight and his wife was wounded. The world stood in awe as Mrs. Burnham calmly stated that God's plan was in place and as his mission organization simply posted a message on the web that said: "Martin with the Lord". That's what I would tell the little girls in mission's class. Mission work is real and dangerous. You won't be facing glue guns out there, but real ones.

Segment Four: Stop and Breathe

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I'm taking a Yoga class with two of my girlfriends. We signed up for an 8 week course at a local hospital, to alleviate stress and to make one last, desperate attempt at flexibility before middle age does us in. But we are getting more than that. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and at age 40 something…I am finally learning to breathe. It is amazing, what deep cleansing breathes and slow, gentle exhales can do for your body and mind. I never stopped to realize, I am a terrible breather. I take it for granted and seldom stop to take enough air in to make it worth my lung's while. Like air…like prayer. Psalm 39:4 says: "Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered and that my life is fleeting away. My life is not longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath." I am trying to breathe more deeply, and as I breathe, to thank God for every breath. What if it really was my last breath? Would I enjoy it? Would I even notice it or the God who provided it? I hope so.

Segment Five: Home Schoolers Strike Again

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The did it again. Those pesky home schoolers took away more than their share of prizes at the National Geography Bee, with 1st and 3rd places going to home-schooled youngsters. It is making the establishment nervous. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and a home-schooler from Michigan took the Geography Bee honor amidst a groundswell of controversy. Pundits are beginning to mutter that too many home-schoolers are taking too many national prizes. They made off with the National Spelling Bee award last year too. One newspaper says: Though it is hard to track a movement that remains partly underground, independent researchers estimate that about 1 million students nationwide are being taught at home. According to research published by the National Center for Home Education, nearly 70 percent of these students go on to pursue a college degree." Most interesting, nationally far fewer kids who graduate from public schools enter college. Personally, I favor school choice. We need more choices in public, private, charter school, and home school alternatives. But let's give credit where it is due. Winning question: Lop Nur, a marshy depression at the east end of the Tarim Basin, is a nuclear test site for which country? Answer: China

Segment Six: What do men want?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I love summer vacation. It's my time to catch up on lunch with teacher friends, shopping with my daughters, and reading romance novels. Not the bad kind mind you, just a good story. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and in the book that I finished last night, one character, a busy pediatrician, did not know that her husband of 20 plus years had been having an affair for 8 of those years. She was so conscientious and things were going so nicely in her life that she thought he was a happy guy. Well, maybe he was…but for the wrong reasons! What do men want from women? Time and attention. Like the lonely husband in the story, men crave a woman's time. Working outside of the home isn't the problem. Priorities are. Stay at home moms can be the worst at this. They get so involved in their quest for the perfect home and children that they get almost annoyed when dad shows up at 6:30 and ruins the picture. I have noticed that most men won't demand your time and attention, at least not for long. They expect you to notice them and to include them. Maybe that's not fair or mature or wise, but it is a hazard of being male. So, what do men really want…your time and attention. And they deserve it.

Segment Seven: Too Late for a Baby?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The radical left of the feminist movement has been outraged over the past few months. A flurry of books, articles, and reports on the fact that women's fertility decreases with age has been taken as a point of attack on women's rights. It isn't that at all. It's pure science and raises some important issues for women and men. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and if you enjoy gazing at glossy magazines while you wait at the check-out line, you would have noticed the recent cover stories about celebrity moms having babies in their 40's. These tabloids lure young women into believing that they can delay reproduction as long as they want. Actually, a woman's fertility peaks at about age 28 and then begins to decrease. By age 42, some studies suggest that 90% of a woman's eggs may be damaged. After all, we carry all of our ovum around all of our lives. They get old and tired. Tired eggs do not easily reproduce. A 20 year old has only a 12-15% chance of having a miscarriage each time she becomes pregnant. A woman in her 40s has, however, a 50% risk of miscarriage. Sure, women like Hannah and Sara in the Bible conceived at mature ages, but then…they had a little help!

Segment Eight: Stress and Children

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Have you ever heard of the amygdala? Chances are, it is a new word in your vocabulary, but listen up, it could change the shape and structure of your child's brain. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this grape-like cluster, about the size of a walnut, is located deep in the limbic system of the brain. When a child faces intense stress, uncertainty, or fear it turns on, signaling the adrenal glands to secrete the stress hormone cortisol. This is all well and good, except that the amydgala has a hard time turning off, and while it is on, your child's pre-frontal cortex doesn't work well, if at all. To put it succinctly, kids who live in stressful situations have stressed out brains. Long term, stress causes permanent damage to a child's hard-wiring. Proverbs 15: 4 says: "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." How do your words, your voice, and the climate of your home and family edify or destroy your child's mind and spirit?
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Segment Nine: Angry Girls

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Is there a culture of meanness among young adolescent girls? In the recent, controversial best-seller, Odd Girl Out, author Rachel Simmons investigates the cruelty, intimidation, and isolation that often mark girls' relationships in middle school. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while some say that Simmons' book and other current discussions of the culture of mental bullying that seem to be uniquely female are unfair and over-emphasized, I wonder. Here's a quote from the book: "The girls say, well guys fight and it's over with, it's done. Then they're friends again. Girls will hate each other forever. It's just that this aggression is virtually invisible. They do it so that no one can see it. They do it beneath the radar of parents and teachers so that they won't get caught." Prayerful parents need to monitor girls' attitudes and behaviors toward other girls. Excluding or teaming up against a girl, gossip, teasing, and unkind notes and email messages can deeply mark a young woman and lead to depression, eating disorders, or just plain despair. Proverbs says: Death and life are in the power of the tongue." What do the words and deeds of our young women say about their relationship with Christ?

Segment Ten: What do women want?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Recently, a very brave leader of a men's fellowship left me a voice mail at the university. He came right to the point. "Dr. Bone", he said, "Your name came up at our meeting, and we would like to invite you to come and give a talk at our monthly dinner. We want you to talk about what women really want from men." This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I'm looking forward to the event. Me and the guys, my chance to set the record straight for my Christian sisters. What do you think I'll tell them? Is it romance? Nope. Is it strength and wisdom? Not exactly. I'm going to lay the big "I" word on the boys. Integrity. Proverbs 10:9 says: "He who walks in integrity walks securely." I think that women want that security that comes from men of integrity. They want men who follow through. They want men who keep their word and their promises, whether it is to help with the laundry or to stop sneaking around to strip clubs. They want men who keep their wedding vows and their tempers in check. Women are prone to worry, and with babies, bills, and possible nuclear war in India to worry about, the last thing we want to do is worry about our husbands. Integrity. It is the greatest aphrodisiac that I know of. That's what I'm going to tell the guys. I wonder if they'll listen.

Segment Eleven: The Million Dollar Mom

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© It is a dated saying, but you still hear it. "Thanks a million!" you might say to your best friend, your colleague, or your mother. If you said it to a mom, any mom…you would be uttering more than a word of thanks. You would be proclaiming an economic truth. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and a provocative book by Ann Crittenden, titled The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued attempts to put a price tag on the decision to leave the paying workplace for the unpaid home-place. According to economists, a stay at home mother relinquishes a career that may have earned $1 million dollars over the years. Factoring in 401-k's, retirement, raises, and investments, the woman who gives up her job may give up more than she realizes. Scripture has always known the worth of a wife and mother:" An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels." Proverbs 31. The choice to remain at home, whether for two years, as I did, or for 10 years or forever as many women do…is uniquely personal. Statistics like these should help both men and women understand the value of a wife and mother and give respect to the work, paid and unpaid, that she does.

Segment Twelve: Dads Make a Difference

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© How important is a biological father? According to new research, his very presence in the home can affect the age at which his daughters enter puberty and whether or not they begin precocious sexual activity. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a great deal has been written about how fathers socialize sons. Boys need a father in the home to teach them how to respect women, to control anger, and to delay gratification. But, girls need their fathers in a different way, to help them become women at the right time and in a healthy way. It seems that girls in biologically intact families start puberty later and are less likely to engage in early sexual activity outside of marriage. According to researchers at Vanderbilt University, a biological father sends pheromones, chemical signals to his daughter, repressing her maturation until an appropriate time. The presence of unrelated men in the home, even a step-father, has the opposite effect. It trigger puberty in girls. Also, girls with a biological father in the home are less likely to become the victim of assault or teen pregnancy. God's plan is perfect. An intact home gives boys and girls the spiritual, emotional, and even biological cues that are necessary for health and well being.

Segment Thirteen: Back to School

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Can you believe that it is time to send the kids back to school? What do you do first? Stock up on notebook paper and lunch box snacks? Shop for new sneakers and back-packs? What would you say if I told you that the most helpful thing you could do to assure your child's success in school this year wouldn't cost you a dime and you don't have to battle traffic to do it? This is Linda Karges-Bone, and now that I have your attention, here's the good news. What your child needs to be successful this year is probably more sleep. Research is piling up. Kids who have ADD or ADHD almost always have sleep disorders, which may stem from poor sleep patterns, too much caffeine, and a stressful home situation. An organized home life, early, consistent bed-times, no caffeine, and a reduction in television and video games that over-stimulate children's brains could lead to more sleep and higher quality sleep. It is during deep sleep that the hippocampus seals new information into memory, which is another word for LEARNING. Many children and teens are just too tired to learn and their parents are too tired to notice. Proverbs 19:2 says: "One who moves too hurriedly misses the way." Is your family too busy to notice that they are too tired to learn?

Segment Fourteen: Toddlers

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I got an interesting perspective on the toddlers' world last weekend. It actually came from a hound dog. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and my father-in-law has a place in the country where he hunts, fishes, and plants a garden. My husband and I drove out there to ride the 4-wheeler and see his latest guest, a stray hound dog named "Dolly". The gentlemen warned me that Dolly wouldn't let anyone near her. She had been abused and was afraid of people. With a handful of cookies, I sat down on the ground at eye level with the skittish dog, and held out my hand. She approached cautiously and soon took food from me. "How did you do that?" my husband asked. "I got down on her level," I explained. "We look too scary up there, but down here we are approachable." Do you ever get down to your toddler's level? What does the world look like from there? Is it exciting? Scary? Big? You might notice things that need to be changed in your home or in your relationship. Get down on the floor and try it, and take some cookies. That seems to help.

Segment Fifteen: Budget Woes

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© My husband and I are dating again. It is kind of nice. We go out to dinner or out in the woods to ride the 4-wheeler on precarious trails. But I noticed something interesting the other night on our date. There were lots of young families at the restaurant…maybe too many. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and as we watched the young families with babies and toddlers in tow trying to eat their dinners at the upscale restaurant, I wondered, "How Can they afford it?" According to economists like Larry Burkett, they can't. Most families in the nation have less than $500 in savings at any one time, and the minimum that they need in case of emergency is 3 months of income! The leading cause of divorce in any family, Christian or not, is financial conflict of some kind. These young families are living dangerously on credit and it is little luxuries like dinners out, trips to the Mall, and new cars that are causing the trouble. As a young couple, we seldom went out and never relied on credit. If we couldn't pay for it with cash, we didn't get it. And that included dinner at a restaurant. I wonder if those young couples have tried cooking beans and rice and cornbread for dinner. It is cheap. Go ahead and light candles at the table. You can pretend it is a restaurant!

Segment Sixteen: Running on Empty

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© My younger daughter is a cross country runner. She runs 6-8 miles a day and her high school team is one of the best in the region. At 5'3" and about 90 pounds, she is lean, mean running machine and boy can that girl eat! This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I am amazed at how much this skinny girl can consume during training and competition. She is always starving. While I was vacuuming the floor under the table where she had devoured half a box of fruity-fiber cereal and a French bread pizza, I started to think…is she getting enough? Of God that is. I can monitor her calories and her calcium and her sleep and her miles, but how does a parent know if a teenager is getting his or her daily dose of God? They are so private, so busy, and so absorbed in other things. It becomes tempting to worry, so I turned to Isaiah 49:25: " This is what the Lord says…I will fight your enemies and I will save your children." Thank you God. I'm counting on that and on another trip to the grocery store. We are out of peanut butter…again.

Segment Seventeen: Finding God

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© My good friend Carol has been teaching for several decades. She might get mad if I mention exact numbers, but suffice it to say that she has a wealth of experience. However, even the most experienced teachers need to keep up their certificates and so she is taking a computer course to help bring her up to technology speed. But she found something more in the slightly stressful lesson. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and my friend sent me an email that said: "Maybe you should write a message about God and the computer. I keep losing things on the hard drive. Things disappear and I can't find them. And I look and look and begin to despair but.... it's really there all the time. It just shows up. All I have to do is look in the right place. Like God and Faith and Belief in prayer." My friend knew this long before computer class. I watched as she turned to God during a battle with cancer and I saw them win it together. The book of Jeremiah says" And ye shall seek me, and find, me when ye shall search for me with all your heart." I agree with my friend. God shows up or I should say, we notice Him. You see, I believe He's always there, waiting for us to look in the right places, in His Word perhaps or on His personal website www.prayer.com.

Segment Eighteen: Persecution in Unexpected Places

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Both of my daughters have been raised to speak their minds, especially on matters of faith, values, and current events. So, I wasn't surprised when my eighteen year old began writing letters to the editor, or that her succinct, hard-hitting opinions were published. What did surprise me was the hate mail that she received concerning her latest letter. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and when my daughter's letter, concerning her disagreement with a recent National Science Foundation study that labeled those who do not accept evolution as pure truth as intellectual light-weights or on the same level as "psychics and crazies", was published, I was pleased. The paper did not know that she was a high school senior at the time, but neither did the anonymous author of a letter that arrived at our home. I won't share the nasty details, but it was intimidating and unpleasant. Lots of name-calling and insults. What really shocked me was the fact that the writer identified herself as a "teacher". The book of James clearly states that "not many should become teachers" and that those who do shall be held to a higher standard. I guess she didn't study that book in college.

Segment Nineteen: Autumn

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The season of Autumn is my favorite and always has been. I think it has something to do with the shorter days that tend to bring families back home together. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and Autumn gives your family a unique opportunity for renewal. Here are some suggestions for comfortable, close Autumn family times. Why not spend a morning raking leaves and perhaps jumping into the piles together? Teach children about the cycle of rebirth in the earth by planting bulbs that will bloom in the Spring. How about visiting a pumpkin patch and taking some colorful digital photographs for your family's web page? You could organize a hay ride for your church youth group or pick a bushel of apples and donate them to Meals on Wheels or a Soup Kitchen. Every season brings opportunities to renew family ties and Christian commitment. A good scripture to study on might be Psalm 51:10: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Segment Twenty: Halloween

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I'm part of a unique minority group in this country and in the world. I am an Evangelical Christian. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and as a believer in Christ, I believe also in the very real presence and power of Satan. That's why Halloween is a problem for me. Do you know what Halloween is? According to a website on Holidays and Customs: "The word itself, "Halloween," actually has its origins in the Catholic Church. It comes from a contracted corruption of All Hallows Eve. November 1, "All Hollows Day" (or "All Saints Day"), is a Catholic day of observance in honor of saints. But, in the 5th century BC, in Celtic Ireland, summer officially ended on October 31. The holiday was called Samhain (sow-en), the Celtic New year. This is a uniquely Pagan celebration designed to ward off evil Spirits that roam the earth. Christians should take care in the way that they interact with seemingly harmless Pagan and Occult influences. I felt the same pangs of concern when self-proclaimed witches were interviewed on CNN about the phenomenal success of the "Harry Potter" books. "We are being vindicated and accepted" they proclaimed. And we went right along, just like we do with Halloween.

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