Prayerful Parenting©
May - August 2003

Segment One: In Vitro Screening of Embryos

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© One of the most powerful essays that I have ever read was written by Harriet McBryde Johnson, and published in the 2/16/03 issue of The New York Times Magazine. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and in a piece titled “Unspeakable Conversations”, Ms. Johnson, an attorney and activist who has been physically disabled since birth and who navigates the world in a power chair, describes a surreal experience in which she traveled to Princeton University to teach and confront Utilitarian Ethicist Dr. Peter Singer, who teaches that disabled children should be “replaced” at birth by healthy children and that disabled individuals do not have a place in society, because they are too much of a drain. As a Christian, it is amazing how widespread and accepted this belief is. In fact, a London court ruled in April 2003 that couples can “screen” test tube embryos to insure that the baby’s tissue will match that of a sick sibling. A noble cause, perhaps, but will an unsuitable growing embryo be destroyed to try again for a better match? Dr. Singer would like that, but God would not.

Segment Two: Marriage and the Black Family

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© At a time when families are in crisis around the country, one courageous woman is taking the lead in restoring the sanctity of marriage to a particularly vulnerable group: the Black family. Nisa Islam Muhammad started the Wedded Bliss Foundation in 2001, and she had good reason to be concerned about the state of Black marriages in the US. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and census bureau data underscore the need for restoring the importance of marriage in the Black community. Only 40% of black adults are married and they have 23 divorces out of every 1000, but the most startling statistic is the fact that 70% of Black children are illegitimate. Without marriage, without fathers in the home, and without stable 2 parent families, Black children will never overcome the academic, social, and emotional problems that they currently face. Ms. Muhammad, a divorced, single mother herself knows the score. She says: “The real benefits of a successful marriage are hidden secrets from the Black community.” They are not hidden from Christians, of any ethnicity. Hebrews 13:4 says; “Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure.”

Segment Three: An American Heroine

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© When I first saw the photographs of PFC. Jessica Lynch and learned that she had been taken as a POW by the Iraqis, notorious for their despicable treatment of women, I was devastated. As the mother of a 19 year old daughter myself, I grieved with Jessica’s family. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and like many of you, I rejoiced when Jessica was rescued by American special forces. I thanked God for the decent Iraqi lawyer and nurse who risked their lives to lead our troops to the young woman and I stand in awe at her courage and endurance. Still, I have to wonder if we are making the right decision in placing American women anywhere near combat and capture. Yes, women belong in the military. Their skills and courage are unquestioned. Yet, it must be understood that women face additional risks if they are captured and in the First Gulf War, our American women POWs were attacked in this way. Perhaps we should follow the lead of Israel, which no longer allows women in combat because of the risk of sexual attack if captured. As for Jessica, Psalm 2nd Thessalonians proved true; “ But the Lord is faithful and will give you strength and will protect you from the Evil One.”

Segment Four: Mother’s Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© An interesting story is going around the Internet, about an aging fashion model who was longing for a baby. She remembered an African folk remedy promising that if a woman held an infant for an entire day, she would conceive. Sometimes old fashioned medicines work the best or maybe the sweet scent and unforgettable feeling of cuddling a baby caused a surge of fertility busting hormones. The model now has a baby. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and there is nothing more powerful than the pull of motherhood and nothing more important than the work of mothering. This Mother’s Day , I want to encourage mothers to persevere in their work, never losing sight of how critical their guidance and consistency are to children. When you are exhausted and feeling ignored or unappreciated, remember to ask God for sustenance: “Lord, you do everything for me. Lord, your love continues forever. Do not leave us, whom you made. “ Psalm 138:8. Sometimes the old-fashioned prayers work best too.

Segment Five: Father’s Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Father’s Day has become a favorite summer holiday, a time for barbeques, family gatherings, and picture taking. But how many men really know what it means to be a parent? Perhaps what they need to know first, is how to be a Christian. This is Dr. Linda karges-Bone, and according to the latest Barna Report, there are 94 million adult males in America and only 1 out of 3 claims to be a Christian. Barely 1 in 4 adult males attend church services on a typical weekend and just 29% read the Bible. How can men learn to be fathers if they have deliberately rejected their heavenly father? And, it is deliberate. 85% of men who do not attend church now were once involved in church. Have our churches failed men? Or, do men have so much spiritual and emotional baggage that they are carefully avoiding church and by definition, God. It is tough to spend Saturday night cruising Internet Porn sites and then sit comfortable through a Sunday sermon. For other men, it is not secret sin that controls them, just a lack of motivation or even invitation. Fathers, I’m inviting you today. Acts 11:14 gives Jesus’ invitation: “By the words he will say to you, you and all your family will be saved.”

Segment Six: Obese Children

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Obesity is a national crisis. It is taking lives and costing money. It destroys families, marriages, and both physical and mental health. It is a sign of a people and culture out of control and its latest victims are children. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a large ( no pun intended) and respected study published in the journal Pediatrics this Spring notes that there is “ a significant relationship between obesity and changes in self-esteem during early adolescence.” Obese children report increased feelings of sadness, loneliness, and nervousness and Strauss adds that his findings "also demonstrate significant social consequences of decreasing self-esteem in obese children. “ What social consequences? Obese children are more likely to experiment with drugs, smoking, and alcohol, perhaps to find social acceptance or to find a solace for their problems. Obese children need medical attention and the entire family needs to take a hard look at how it lives, eats, and plays together. Obese parents typically produce obese children and in spite of what they say, none of them are happy nor healthy. Obesity, like any problem in a family, needs the word of God. Romans 6:12 says: “Offer the parts of your body to God to be used in doing good.”

Segment Seven: Forgotten Christians

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Here’s a history question for all of us. What group of individuals live near the city of Nineveh in Iraq, still speaking the language of Jesus…Aramaic and still practicing the message that the apostle Thomas brought to them in the first centuries AD? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this little known and highly persecuted group are the Assyrian Christians. Assyrian Christians were once a powerful missionary force, according to an article by Ken Joseph Jr., writing in PCANEWS.com a web magazine for the Presbyterian Church in America, spreading the gospel as far as China during the year AD 86. Currently, 1.2 million Assyrian Christians live in Iraq, and another 4 million in Syria, Iran, Jordan, Canada, the US and Australia. Iraq’s former VP, Tariq Aziz is a Christian. But our brothers and sisters in Christ have been terribly persecuted and oppressed under a Muslim regime and things may not get better. According to experts on the Mid-East, Assyrian Christians fear more persecution if a Post-Saddam government does not include full representation of the smallest religious minority group in the country. Genesis 28:15 says: “ I am with you and will protect you everywhere you go and I will bring you back to this land.” For some Christians, the promised land is Iraq.

Segment Eight: Dating and Young Teens

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© It is summertime and teens have more freedom, free time, and opportunities for fun and for trouble. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I have noticed a trend in adolescent dating. It is non-dating. That’s right, kids aren’t dating or courting, they are just “hooking up”. Hooking up with someone is an informal situation that doesn’t require the plans and protocol of dating, but in a bizarre and worrisome twist, it can include physical intimacy. Working as a college professor and having two teenagers of my own gives me many opportunities to talk with young people and to observe their relationships. Here’s a newsflash: lots of kids, including Christian kids, who don’t appear to have serious boyfriends or girlfriends are having some heavy physical relationships with virtual strangers. It is all a part of the culture and most kids will respond with authentic disbelief and surprise when one questions their behavior. Afterall, their parents marry, divorce and have extramarital relations with great ease and so do the stars of the media. Teens need the message of I Cor. 6:12: “I am allowed to do all things, but all things are not good for me to do.”

Segment Nine: Apatheism

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© There’s a new religion in America and it seems to be gathering momentum at a startling rate. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the religion to watch is not Pentecostal, Episcopal, nor even the fertile faith of Mormonism. Atheists too can stand aside. The fastest growing faith, according to writer Jonathan Rauch of the Atlantic Monthly is Apatheism. According to the writer, Apatheism is a faithless faith in which individuals do not particularly care about what they believe, or, more importantly, about what others believe. According to the author, it concerns “not what you believe, but how”. Here’s an even more compelling fact. Most apatheists are neither agnostics nor atheists. In fact, most, if pushed to a point, would identify themselves as believers, but they just don’t care enough to do anything about it. One professor of theology and culture who studies belief notes that most Americans tell pollsters that they attend church regularly, but actually, about half of them are lying. God’s word foretells of Apatheism. Revelation 3:16So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Segment Ten: Christians and Iraq

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Many of us were glued to the television as Coalition forces marched into Baghdad and liberated a joyful Iraqi people. The people shouted “Bush, Bush!” But, will the happiness last? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while I believe that America did the right and only thing it could to free an enslaved people and save ourselves from related terrorist attacks, it is time to look to the future. That is what Rev. Franklin Graham wants to do, sending humanitarian aid to this devastated region through his vast and successful ministry, “Samaritan’s Purse”, but some Arab and American critics want Christian ministries like this banned from participating in the rebuilding of Iraq. Why? Because they might coerce faithful Muslims into accepting Christ. This is unfair, intolerant to Christians, and patently ridiculous. Ken Isaacs, International director of projects for Samaritan’s Purse says: “We do not deny the name of Christ.” They shouldn’t have to. As they build shelters, set up water systems, treat the sick, and pass out food, the message of Christ will be clear enough. It always has been. As St. Francis of Assisi noted: “Preach the gospel everywhere you go and, if necessary, use words.”

Segment Eleven: 4th of July

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© The 4th of July is a welcome summer holiday. Perfect for a pool party, a freezer of homemade ice cream, and waving a banner of red, white, and blue. But this year, with horror and heroism of Operation Iraqi Freedom so fresh, is that enough? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I wonder if the strident patriotism that we felt when Sadaam’s statue was toppled in Baghdad is more than a memory for most parents. After 9/11, there was a rush to buy car flags and to boldly hoist Old Glory from fire trucks, car dealerships, and restaurants, but fewer remain today. How quickly we forget. I wonder what our children think? Is Patriotism something that we drag out for emergencies? Kind of like our religion? It seems to be that way for most folks, unless they had to fight for patriotism. Not long ago, my husband and I took a drive through a neighborhood known to be a retirement haven for US Navy vets on the Carolina coast. Not expensive, just simple brick houses and neat yards. But as I drove through, I saw the flag. Everywhere. Hundred of stars and stripes on poles in the yard, on pick-up trucks, hanging from porch railings, and on tee shirts as grizzled old sailors mowed their yards, and I was humbled.

Segment Twelve: Service

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© In a bizarre and unforeseen twist of fate, I was elected President of the Cross Country Booster Club, supporting high school athletes like my daughter, who enjoy running ridiculously long distances. This requires lots of wholesome food, water, many kinds of tee shirts, and funds for out of town competitions. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and working with this service organization has been so good for me. It is rejuvenation and a ministry of service. I love what martyred missionary Jim Elliott said: "He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he can never lose." As a parent, I have gained so much by cooking hot dogs at the concession, planning trips for the kids, passing out oranges and bananas, and selling lollipops for fundraisers. I have the privilege of watching young athletes compete, lose, win, and grow as individuals who are part of God’s plan for the future. Psalm 37:4 promises: “Enjoy serving the Lord, and He will give you what you want.” For prayerful parents, that service may be on the soccer field, the band booster, or the track, but it is always time to treasure.

Segment Thirteen: Reading over the summer

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© If you want to prepare your pre-schooler for kindergarten. If you want your child to do better in school next year. If you want your high schooler to score higher on the SAT or ACT, then listen closely, I’ll give you some important, highly regarded advice from an expert. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the advice if free….immerse your children in literature. Reading aloud to children or having children read themselves is the only research-based, patently tested, and guaranteed method of increasing mental performance at any grade level. Reading expands vocabulary, builds mental schema, and increases content knowledge. What should children and adolescents read? A variety of non-fiction and fiction. Poetry. Magazines. The newspaper. The Bible. It all works. It is all good. The key is daily exposure to a variety of materials at an increasing level of difficulty. I have seen studies that show that the sheer number of novels that an adolescent has read can be matched to his or her SAT score. Ask your school for a reading list or the local library. Psalm 19:2 says: Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. That’s what we want for our kids.

Segment Fourteen: Spanking Doesn’t Work

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© I’m going to say something radical for an Evangelical Christian and I know that many listeners will not agree.. but give me a chance. Spanking children probably doesn’t do much good. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while I do not believe that an occasional spanking of a child under the age of 10 is wrong, I do doubt its effectiveness. Research stacks up: “According to a study of six decades of research on corporal punishment, it seems that parents who spank their children risk causing long-term harm that outweighs the short-term benefits of instant obedience.” ( Cnn.com: Spanking is a no-no) Published in the June 2002 issue of the American Psychological Association, Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff’s study suggests that parents find ways to teach appropriate behavior without hitting children. While children will probably do what you want at the moment, you have taught nothing except the fact that you are bigger and will resort to violence. Proverbs 12:18 says: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing and wise words are what Prayerful Parents need in discipline.

Segment Fifteen: Education Leader Defends Christian Teaching

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Education secretary Ron Paige is in the hot seat. He made some controversial and powerful remarks that evoked criticism from the public. What kind of politically devicive rhetoric did Secretary Paige utter? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Paige’s outrageous remarks were accused of showing a preference for schools that “appreciate the values of the Christian community.” Wow. That’s wild stuff. Values in school. Respect. Kindness. Integrity. Work Ethic. Is this what people are afraid of? Because Dr. Paige did not use the politically correct terms “character” or even “traditional values”, Barry Lynn ,Executive Director of the Americans United for Separation of Church and State has a problem and so do others. Here’s the entire quote that caused the ruckus: “The reason that Christian schools and Christian universities are growing is a result of a strong value system. In a religious environment the value system is set. That’s not the case in a public school, where there are so many different kids with different kinds of values.” Sometimes the truth hurts. Thank you Ron Paige for your honesty.

Segment Sixteen: Grade Inflation

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting.© Here’s a news flash: A study released in 2002 indicated that 33.4% of college freshmen had spent less than 4 hours per week in study or homework preparation. Our retention rates for college students are discouraging, with only 59% of white students 46% of Latino and 40% of African American students finishing college in 6 years. ( Education Trust) Yes, 6 years…not 4 years! Yet, almost 50% of high school students report having an “A” average. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and in an article titled “How Can Stellar Grades Cause Poor Performance?” experts point out that our high schools are probably too easy and do not prepare kids for difficult college level work. We probably have grade inflation in many high schools, passing out A’s and B’s like candy so that kids can qualify for state scholarships to college, only to dump these students into an academic shredder that chews them up and spits them out. Take a look at your 10th grader’s next English paper. Does it look like “A” work to you? Psalm 119:6 says: Teach me knowledge and good judgment. And it shouldn’t come easily!