Note to Readers: "Prayerful Parenting" is a copyrighted (© 1993) program, by Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and may not be reproduced without permission. Dr. Linda Karges-Bone is a professor of education at Charleston Southern University and the author of 17 books for teachers and parents. Her views do not necessarily express those of Charleston Southern University or the Southern Baptist Convention.

"Prayerful Parenting" © may be heard daily on WKCL 91.5 fm in Charleston, SC and nationally on the Family Radio Network on Saturday mornings.

Prayerful Parenting©
November - December 2002

Prayerful Parenting/Holiday Messages

Segment One: Shoeboxes for Christmas

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© One of the most meaningful activities that my girls and I participate in is the preparation of two shoeboxes that we send to children living in war torn or impoverished areas around the globe. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Operation Christmas Child is a national effort that my younger daughter read about in a Christian Children’s magazine 10 years ago, and we have been involved ever since. Your family can plan a shoebox for a boy or girl of a specific age group and fill it with small gifts, hard candy, toiletries, a Bible, and school supplies. Once, my younger daughter chose a flashlight and batteries, telling me that if a little girl had homework to do, and there was a war, she might not have electricity to see by. I love what this kind of charity can teach children. The book of Isaiah says: “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be the peace of thy children.”. Visit the website of Operation Christmas Child at www.samaratinspurse.com and find out how an empty shoebox can become a box of blessings for your family and for a child across the globe who may not know Christ.

Segment Two: Thankful for Kids
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Did you ever have one of those “aha” moments as a parent, a defining experience in which you realize very clearly how wonderful it is to have children? That happened to me a few years ago, when my then 14 year old daughter Carolyn and I were on a pre-holiday shopping trip, rushing around like maniacs and not being particularly nice to one another. At lunch, I suggested dashing by the drive-through window for something quick and she looked at me and smiled and said “okay”. In that moment, I thought of all the shopping trips we had enjoyed together, beginning with her first outing to the grocery store, strapped securely in a car seat and staring at me in amazement .Well, something washed over me, and I realized that this young lady would soon be going to college and my beautiful baby girl wouldn’t always be available for Saturday shopping trips and afternoon errands. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and we ended up eating a leisurely lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant, savoring hot tea and egg rolls and our time together. Carolyn is in college now, and I’m so glad that we spent that time together. Maybe you need to slow down this holiday season and savor the moments, before your babies drive away to college and you miss them too.

Segment Three: Prepare Your Home
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© As we gear up for the winter holidays, why not take a few steps to “gear down” your home and make it a restful, beautiful refuge from the world? It is amazing how small, careful steps can actually reduce physical and mental stress! In fact, one study showed that families who lived in homes where scented dryer sheets were used in the laundry reported less anxiety and tenseness. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I love this passage from Mark 6: “And he said unto them, come ye yourselves apart into a desert place and rest awhile; for there were many coming and going and they had not leisure so much as to eat.” Does this sound like your home? Change it by 1) Taking the phone off the hook during meals; 2) Setting the table with attractive plates and napkins; 3) using a calming vanilla or cinnamon scent in the house; 4) Playing classical music while doing chores; 5) Limiting loud, distracting television noise. Finally, take a hard look at your holiday schedule before the events begin, and make some firm decisions about your expenditures of time and energy. Is there too much coming and going and not enough to time to eat in peace? You can choose to change that this season.

Segment Four: Godly Counsel

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© This message is for those listeners who are struggling with a serious marital or emotional problems right now. In the back of your mind, you may be thinking: “Just let us get through the holidays and then we’ll get some professional help.” This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I’m asking you not to wait. The stress of the holidays and heightened expectations to have an ideal family dynamic can only make things worse. But, make sure that you seek Godly counsel. Psalm 118 says: “I called upon the Lord in distress, and He set me in a high place”. As you seek that high place, know that there are between 200 and 400 different schools of thought in counseling and therapy, so choose carefully and prayerfully. Understand that most counselors and therapists may not support your Christian convictions. In fact, a 1993 study in the Journal of Hospital and Community Psychiatry found that “psychotherapists often do not respect their patients’ religious beliefs and values” and may even be condescending toward those who express strong religious beliefs. Ask your pastor for a referral and then interview the therapist or counselor carefully to make sure that he or she believes in the power of the great healer, Jesus Christ.

Segment Five: Holiday Church Attendance

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Imagine this scene. It is a cold Sunday morning in November or December. You have spent the weekend frantically and joyfully participating in holiday decorating, celebrating and shopping. But now it is 8:15 AM and nobody is awake but you, mom or dad. If you get up now and start the coffee, there’s a chance that all of you will make it to church. If you burrow back under the covers, the whole church deal is off for another Sunday. What harm is done? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I’m encouraging prayerful parents not to fall into that trap. Don’t let the holidays become your excuse for missing church. Instead, let the holidays be a catalyst for renewal in celebrating Christ. And, remember that a strong body of research suggests that 2/3 of all decisions to accept Christ are made by the age of 18 years, making it highly probable that your child will accept or reject Jesus Christ while living under your roof. Hebrews 2:13 says: “I will put my trust in HIM. And again, behold I and the children which God has given me.” He gave them to you, but they belong to HIM. Ah, I hear you getting up now. See you at church.

Segment Six: Single Parents and the Holidays
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The holidays are a season for demonstrating good will toward others, and that might include your least favorite person, an ex-spouse. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while it seems like a tough challenge, single parents and re-married parents, it might be the most generous, memorable gift that you can offer your children. In the book of John, Jesus promises to leave us His Peace, but there is an expectation that we will position ourselves to receive that peace. It may mean avoiding unflattering comments about the ex. It may mean being flexible about visitation. It may mean communicating about events and gift giving so that children are not overwhelmed or confused. Remember that numerous studies suggest that children of divorce are more prone to emotional distress and to an inability to build secure marriages and families of their own. You can avoid that unhappy legacy by making the holidays as calm, peaceful, and simple as possible, so that your children can see how God heals and uplifts those who are hurt. It is a gift for your children, and a testimony to your faith.

Segment Seven: Marriage
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© If you like the song, “The 12 Days of Christmas”, you might like this version about Christian marriage. On the first day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: a word of encouragement. On the second day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: the benefit of the doubt and a word of encouragement. On the third day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: time to relax, the benefit of the doubt, and a word of encouragement. On the fourth day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: a genuine smile, time to relax, the benefit of the doubt, and a word of encouragement. On the fifth day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: unconditional love, a genuine smile, time to relax, the benefit of the doubt, and a word of encouragement. On the sixth day of Christmas, my spouse gave to me: a romantic gesture; unconditional love, a genuine smile, time to relax, the benefit of the doubt, and a word of encouragement. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and this song covers only six days, you fill in the next six with some wonderful, personalized gifts for your spouse so that you can celebrate the season together.

Segment Eight: Prayer
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© If you are like most parents, gift giving is a joyful and important part of the holiday season. I enjoy choosing gifts for my two daughters as well, but you know, this year, I am giving them the perfect gift, the gift that keeps on giving, the one that always fits, never goes out of style, and the one that nobody else can give them: Prayer from a Devoted Mother. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and in my role as a prayerful parent, I have come to rely on the personal and powerful gift of prayer. Matthew 21:22 says: “And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive.” So, I pray daily, and on some days, hourly, for my girls. I pray specifically: 1) That angels protect them from physical, mental, and spiritual harm; 2) that my children stay committed to Christ as savior; 3) that my girls will use their talents to honor God; and 4) for decent, loving, Christian husbands for my daughters. So, before you rush off to stand in line for the latest action figure, computer, or talking doll, commit to the gift that won’t require a credit card, the gift of prayer.

Segment Nine: Gift of the Magi
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© One of the most touching and romantic holiday stories ever written is O. Henry’s tale: “The Gift of the Magi.” You remember the young married couple, just getting by in their tiny apartment, each one worried that the beloved spouse would not have a suitable Christmas gift. The young wife cuts off her long hair, her prized possession, to buy her husband a chain for his watch. Unbeknownst to her, the husband is selling the watch that would have hung from the gold chain, in order to purchase tortoise shell combs for his wife’s long, beautiful hair. The irony is priceless, and so is the measure of sacrifice that this couple demonstrates out of love for one another. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and during the holiday season, we might consider the role of sacrifice in Christian marriage. Are we willing to give up our own agenda to meet the needs of a spouse? Sacrifice, not selfishness, builds love and trust in marriage. This Christmas, give your spouse a priceless gift: your renewed commitment to put him or her second, after Christ, in the things that matter.

Segment Ten: Homes of Integrity
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I love preparing my home for the Winter Holidays. I start in October with autumn wreaths and gilded fruit, proceed to Christmas angels and holly and have recently fallen into the habit of decorating for January with snowmen and glitter, just for the fun of it. You don’t want to be a pinecone in my vicinity. You will be glue-gunned and glittered before you hit the ground! But as you busy yourselves with greenery on the mantle, glittering candles on the table, and wreaths on the door, don’t forget to adorn your home with a more subtle, yet powerful spirit, the essence of INTEGRITY. Integrity is an old-fashioned word for some. It means honesty, virtue, honor, and incorruptibility. Is it clear to everyone who visits your home this holiday season, that your family practices integrity in worship, in business, and in personal relationships? Job 8:20 says: “ Lo, God will not reject a man of integrity, nor will HE support the evildoers.” Take care this season, to season your home with the pure essence of Integrity. It is more fragrant than pine and more powerful than ginger and cinnamon, a fragrance unmistakable to the Lord and to all who enter your home.

Segment Eleven: New Year’s Resolutions
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© If you are like me, then you are beginning the New Year with a prayer that is unanswered. Someone you love, someone close to you, maybe several people, do not know the Lord and this past year was not the year of their salvation as you had hoped, and it breaks your heart. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I invite you to join me in a New Year’s resolution to pray for the salvation of our children, our spouses, and our family members . I’ll pray for yours, and I ask you to pray for mine. I found a scripture to motivate us: “ Isaiah 44: And they shall spring up as among the grass, as willows by the water courses.” Imagine your family members as fresh, strong green willows for the Lord, new growth in His kingdom. They will be reaching upward in a new body, given to them when they repent and seek Christ. It can happen. It will happen in God’s time. So be renewed and continue to pray. Let’s sustain one another and join together in prayer for what really matters in the new year, salvation for our loved ones and obedience to God’s commandment to seek HIM and HIS will.

Segment Twelve: January Commitment to Life
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I’ll never forget my introduction to the Right to Life movement. I was about 10 years old, and our pastor was reading from an essay, titled “Diary of an Unborn Child.” It was fascinating, sitting there, listening as the pastor spoke in the voice of an unborn baby, describing his fingers growing, his brain forming, his tiny body floating peacefully in the womb, until the terrible words culminated with : “Today, my mother killed me.” This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and some may disagree with a pastor’s choice to speak so graphically about abortion, but on the anniversary of legalized abortion, we cannot speak lightly. Millions of babies have died, so it is important to teach children, from a formative age, to value, celebrate, and protect human life, whether in the womb, in the form of a severely disabled child, or in the body of the elderly or ill adult. The impact of that early experience changed my life and shaped my beliefs about the sanctity of human life. Be careful to teach your children the truth about abortion. Be cautious not to frighten them, but be direct about the fear of the Lord, which is essential for our character, our conscience, and our choices concerning abortion and every other decision.

Segment Thirteen: Teaching Evolution
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The argument for or against teaching creation science as a viable theory in science classes has been raging since the infamous Scopes Trial in 1925, but the discussion takes on renewed urgency in light of the case of Darrell Lambert , an Eagle Scout, and self-confessed Atheist, who says that he turned his back on God when he was taught evolution theory in public school. In an interview with NPR host Robert Siegel, the young man says: ‘I was always agnostic before, and wasn’t really sure, and then in ninth grade I started getting more into science classes, and you know, more and more as I get into high school and in college, evolution just seems to fit better.’ This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and when teaching“Science Methods” for elementary school teachers, I urged teacher candidates to present evolution as a theory and to present creation science as an equally valid scientific theory, without any hint of their own religious conviction. Creation science is good science and should not be ignored simply because it has roots in, heaven help us…..the word of God. Some states, such as Kansas, are taking a hard look at the impact of teaching evolution as the one truth of man’s origins, and are responding by changing curriculum or state tests to reflect a more balanced approach. It may be too late for one Eagle Scout, but not for your children.

Segment Fourteen: Finances and the New Year
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Scripture says that money is the root of all evil and if you’re not careful, financial conflict can destroy a marriage. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I think M.P. Dunleavy, writing in her internet column on finances in November 2002 hits on a more succinct point; “Although there are hundreds of variations, sic ( of money issues) all of them can be traced back to the three main sources of money conflict: Communication, Control and Family.” A money fight is probably mixed with issues of poor communication, control over the power in the marriage, and unresolved ideas about how to raise children or deal with extended family. Dunleavy presents : “Blame it on the Boss”, which occurs when couples do not share responsibility for spending and saving. When the house needs a new roof, and the money is not in place, the spouse who has taken no responsibility for finances “blames it on the one who was supposed to take care of these things”, while the other spouse “blames it on the one who isn’t helping him or her to keep track of finances.” ..a silly game, and one that couples can avoid by working together on financial issues in the new year.

Segment Fifteen: Winter Blues
Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©