Prayerful Parenting©
May - August 2003

Prayerful Parenting
August-November 2003

Segment One: The Earring

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I had a nice surprise the other day. I found the match to a beautiful gold earring that I had lost more than 5 years ago. It was hiding in the lining of a suitcase that I rooted out of the attic to take on vacation. When I fished through my jewelry box and found its mate waiting, I felt a curious sense of satisfaction. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the experience made me think about being married to the same person for a long time. You’ll only be able to relate to this if you have been married a decade or more. There are these white spaces in marriage, where you feel that a piece is missing; where things don’t go well;, when you both feel like you have lost a mate, but if you hold on and don’t throw one or the other away, somehow, with God’s help, you find each other again and the fit is perfect and you look so good together, just like my gold earrings. I couldn’t help but think, what if, in a fit of frustration or discouragement, I had thrown the earring away, never expecting to find the other. What a loss that would have been.

Segment Two: Infanticide in India

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Can you imagine a crime more horrible than killing one’s own child? It seems inhuman, but it is painfully real and an issue that believers need to acknowledge and bring to the Lord . This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while the nation fixates on the possibility that Scott Peterson killed his wife and baby boy, a more wide-scale tragedy unfolds a continent away. CNN reported on July 7, 2003, that almost 5000 infant girls in India have been killed by their own parents . At the same time, selective abortion of female babies had adjusted the birth ratio to 880 females for 1000 males. You see, in India, deep-rooted gender bias has produced a culture in which girls are seen as expensive baggage, useless children whose dowries drain family wealth. Only the cleansing of Christ can stop such evil. Acts 8:22 says: “Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours and pray the Lord that if possible the intention of your heart may be forgiven you.”

Segment Three: Teens and Pot

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© As the summer winds down, do your kids have some wonderful memories? A great picnic at the lake? Visiting grandparents? How about trying pot for the first time? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and according to government studies, more kids begin using drugs during June and July than any other time of year. It makes sense. Teens have more free time, are unsupervised while parents work, have money from jobs to buy drugs, and may be associating with older kids at work, the pool, or in the neighborhood. Don’t kid yourself, younger teens are trying drugs and getting hooked. The number of 8th graders who smoke pot has doubled in the last decade. Now, 1 in 5 young teens probably smoked marijuana this summer. Keep your eyes open and protect your home with prayer: Psalms 127 says: “ Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that built it.”

Segment Four: Breast-feeding and teen mothers

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a pregnant, unwed teenager. She is keeping her baby, but hates being pregnant, and adamantly refuses to consider the possibility of breastfeeding. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and this young woman is quite typical. Young, poor, unmarried women are the least likely to nurse their infants, and it is their babies who need the benefits of breast-feeding the most. The research stacks up convincingly. Breast-fed babies have bigger brains, higher IQ’s, fewer infections, and enhanced development in almost every way. Their mothers are healthier; lose excess baby weight faster, save thousands of dollars in formula costs, and build a tighter bond with their babies. It should be an easy choice, but it seems that these girls aren’t too skilled in decision making. The church can help with verbal support, mentoring, and even classes in the church. 2 Timothy 2 urges mature women to “encourage the young women to love their children” and breastfeeding is a good way to begin.

Segment Five: Mothers Staying at Home

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© It took me 3 months on a waiting list, but I finally got my library copy of I Don’t Know How She Does It”, a best-seller from Britain about a working mother’s frantic effort to manage a demanding job, a commute, and a family including a husband and two young children. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Pearson’s story is sometimes painful to read, but is lauded by many critics, and by me, as truthful. Working full time when your children are very young is a crazy thing. More American women are figuring that out. Nearly 10.6 million children are now raised by mothers at home, a 13% increase in a decade. What is driving the shift? Experts say that the cultural influence of Hispanic families and the fact that parents who had been “latch-key” children themselves and hated it. It is not just mothers who are coming home. There has been an 18% increase in stay at home dads. I don’t think it really matters why or who stays at home when children are small. It just matters.

Segment Six: The Truth About Marriage

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Each year, the National Marriage Project based at Rutgers University issues an annual report on the state of marriage. It seems that the wedding bells are a bit tarnished. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and if marriage is the “social glue” that holds families together, then no wonder our society is falling apart. Did you realize that 31% of children live with a single parent or with no parent at all and that 62% of African American children lived without married parents. We now have the highest percentage ever of children living apart from biological fathers, fully 34%. Many people deny the impact of these data, saying that families don’t have to be made up of mothers and fathers and children. I don’t believe that and Hebrews 13:4 backs me up: “Marriage is honorable in all and the marriage bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.”

Segment Seven: Homework Time

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© The school year has begun and already parents are counting the days till vacation. They hate homework more than their kids do and it is hurting everyone. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and Microsoft Corp.'s Calling All Parents survey reveals that parents, too, could use a lesson when it comes to homework, with less than 10 percent knowing the answers to all their kids' homework questions. The survey also showed that parents admit to not having time to help with homework, feel inadequate using technology, and simply don’t remember much of what they learned in school. How can you improve your grade as a parent? I recommend setting aside 2 hours each night just for homework and reading together. Turn off the television and tune into your kid. Even if you don’t know all the answers, you can act supportive and make an effort. Finally, go back to school yourself. Take a class to brush up technology skills. Read The Scarlet Letter again. Practice writing an essay. Remember, the term is homework. That means a commitment from parents. What kind of a grade would your child’s teacher give you?

Segment Eight: Scared of your Children?

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. This is a hard message to write, but it is one that many parents need to hear. Some of you are too chicken to be parents of teenagers. That’s right. Chicken. Too scared to say no to your 13 or 14 or 15 year old child. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and part of being a parent means saying "NO" to teens. Kids who are failing in school should not have televisions and telephones in their bedrooms. Kids who are drinking should not have driver’s licenses, much less their own cars. Kids who are sexually promiscuous should not be allowed to set their own curfews or to date whenever they please. Too many of you are either afraid of hurting your teen’s feelings or afraid of curtailing your own freedom in order to supervise your children. II Timothy 1:7 says: "For god hath not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Use it to bravely face your teenaged children.

Segment Nine: The Empty Nest

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. I’ll have to admit it. I’m an experienced parent. That’s code for getting older. In fact, in just a few years, my husband and I will experience the empty nest. I wonder how we will handle it? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and everyone I know has a child leaving for college this Fall. Some folks handle the change better than others. Authors David and Claudia Arp, who wrote a book titled The Second Half of Marriage offer some excellent advice. They suggest something that is at once simple and yet incredible. “Let go of past marital disappointments, forgive each other, and commit to making the rest of your marriage the best.” The empty nest could be an opportunity for recommitment and romance, or a pity party for some miserable, middle-aged parents. Ephesians 432Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Segment Ten: Teens and Internet Use

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Several times this summer, I was shocked to read stories about very young girls, ages 11 or 12, being kidnapped by or running away to meet much older men, predatory men, that they had been chatting online with for months, in their own homes. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and youngsters are spending huge amounts of time online. 73% of teens use the Internet and 55% of them visit chat rooms regularly. The problem is, teens aren’t just talking to their friends. 60% of teens report receiving email or IM from strangers. How closely do you monitor Internet use in the home? Do you have time limits set? Are you using a filtering device? Do you insist on having the computer in a family room and not in the child’s bedroom. Proverbs 22 says: “ A prudent man senses danger.” Would you invite a strange 40 year old man to spend time alone with your 12 year old daughter? Perhaps you already have.

Segment Eleven: Child Slavery in Africa

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. During the summer of 2003, the press eagerly followed President Bush on his trip to the continent of Africa, and much speculation centered on the question of Liberia, a country founded by freed American slaves. Very little was said about the problems of slavery still plaguing Africa. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and UNICEF, the UN’s agency that tracks the well-being of children reports that some 200,000 young children are “caught up in a crude slave trade” as the result of their own parents’ ignorance or poverty. The youngsters, ranging in age from 7 to 18 are sold into slavery in Benin or Togo and then sent in to more wealthy nations including Niger, Nigeria, Gabon, Burkina Faso and other parts of the Central African Republic. The children work as domestics, in fisheries, cotton or cocoa foundations and eventually in prostitution, since the majority of the children sold are female. Nehemiah 5 speaks of daughters held in slavery. Perhaps our president, a believer himself, will quote that verse on his tour of Africa.

Segment Twelve: The Rainbow Fish

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. My sister and I are mothers of almost grown daughters. Our girls are ages 16, 18, and 19 and sometimes we miss the days of sticky crafts, wide-eyed wonder, and story time, so we work in the church nursery every few weeks. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and my sister Annie and I like to take care of the four year olds. No diapers-maximum fun time. Four year olds are completely honest and full of surprises. A few weeks ago, we did a lesson using the children’s book, The Rainbow Fish, in which a beautiful fish gives away all his sparkly scales to his friends in the ocean in order to find joy. “Did the rainbow fish do the right thing?” I asked the four year olds. I got a chorus of resounding “NO’s”. “He should have keeped his pretty scales,” nodded one child. Then I shared the story of Matthew 5 and asked them how Jesus might answer the question. This time, their answers were different. Sometimes we find the truth in surprising places. In storybooks and in the minds of four year olds.

Segment Thirteen: Reading Aloud to Children

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. I get a lot of calls from parents who worry about their children’s school performance, grades, and overall intelligence. They want to know about Ritalin, psychological testing, and expensive tutoring. They aren’t as interested in something simple, free, and accessible. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and whether your child is six months old or in the sixth grade, reading aloud to him or her is the best thing you can do to encourage vocabulary, critical thinking, and attention span. Reading aloud to children literally builds neural connections and provides a calm, peaceful respite for families in a busy world. One would think that teachers would read aloud daily, but research suggests that by third grade, fewer than half of teachers still read aloud to their students. Jesus loved to listen as his elders read aloud. Luke 2 says: “They found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.

Segment Fourteen: 7 Deadly Habits

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Leviticus 2621 " 'If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me, I will multiply your afflictions seven times over, as your sins deserve. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I wonder if God had this list of 7 deadly habits in mind: nagging, complaining, blaming, threatening, punishing, criticizing, or bribing. According to prevention magazine, many people are truly miserable. They have unhappy marriages, tense workplaces, dead relationships with their children, and few friends because of the 7 deadly habits. It struck close to home when during a ride to pick up Chinese food the other night, my girls reminded me of something I used to do a lot when they were little. I would get frustrated and yell at them: “Are you deaf?” That was bad enough, but Carolyn pointed out that she thought I was saying…”Are you dead” and it would scare her terribly. We laughed about it over egg-rolls, but later on I was convicted. It really wasn’t funny at all.

Segment Fifteen: Full of Fall

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. There is a beautiful passage in Jeremiah 5 'Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives autumn and spring rains in season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest.' This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I fear that the season of Autumn is a blessing that many of us ignore. We plan vacations for the summer and holiday events for winter, and Autumn is the time in between. Why not think of Autumn as a time to celebrate? Plan a leaf raking party. Bob for apples with your kids. Decorate a pumpkin with happy designs instead of scary faces. Go on an autumn get-away with your spouse. Take a bike ride or long walk and observe the changing colors. The shorter days of Autumn fill me with anticipation, not dread. I can’t wait to see what God will do next, with the changing season and our changing lives as a family.

Segment Sixteen: Halloween

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and the season of Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the crisp weather, the tart apples, the colorful leaves. The only part that brings me down is Halloween. What is Halloween anyway? It is the remains of an ancient pagan ritual that has been packaged as a family event. Don’t be fooled. Witches are real. The devil is a dangerous force to invite into your home and Halloween is a waste of your time and money. As Christians, we need to use discernment in dealing with Halloween. I have allowed my children to make simple costumes such as bunny rabbits and ballet dancers and knock on next door neighbor’s door for candy. Beyond that, I have some real concerns. Scary costumes scare children. That is psychologically damaging. Scary talk of the devil and witchcraft scare me. Halloween is spiritually dangerous and I’m not afraid to admit it.