Prayerful Parenting ©
Spring 2001 Messages

Segment One: Abstinence

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting ©. Do the popular teen programs that advocate waiting until marriage to have intimate relations really make a difference? Programs such as "True Love Waits" and others? According to new research published in the American Journal of Sociology", they do. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the good news is that teenagers who pledge to remain sexually abstinent until marriage are 34% less likely to have sex before marriage than their peers who are not part of such a program. Teens want structure and boundaries. Moreover, they want loving support, not lectures.. from adults who respect their right and ability to make decisions. Finally, teens need the company and affirmation of peers who share their Christian beliefs. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "There is an appointed time for everything", and for a growing number of young men and women, the time for intimacy is after marriage.

Section Two: Activity Vs Alzheimer’s

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting ©. Are you ready for a startling statistic? People who are inactive between their 20’s and 60’s increase their chance of getting Alzheimer’s by 250%! This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and Alzheimer’s disease is an incurable illness that wastes away the brains of victims, an increasing number of older Americans every year. Although many factors including genetics may make one more likely to succumb to the illness, it appears that staying mentally active helps to prevent the build-up of amyloid protein, the plaque that destroys cognitive function. The study, which is reported in the March issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, compared healthy adults with those who had probable or possible Alzheimer’s. Clearly, those with healthy brains had been mentally and physically active, working at jobs, learning new skills, reading, studying, and continuing to learn. Proverbs 10:14 says the "Wise men store up knowledge" and that kind of behavior may keep our brains healthy into old age.

Segment Three: The Parent Trap

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. When a mom proudly tells me that she and her kids practically "live in the mini van" because they have so many extracurricular activities to run around to, I cringe. "Why do you want to live that way?" I ask. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and a growing body of research and an equally growing group of parents support the decision to opt out of most of the enrichment that does not really enrich kids’ lives. A major article published in Newsweek in January 2001 suggests that many "hyper-scheduled" kids do not enjoy their busy lives and feel stressed out. Moreover, a long list of activities does not get a kid into college. The experts say that good grades and strong SAT scores are still the best bet for college admission and scholarships. What kids and their parents need is time to rest, talk, eat meals, and play together. Proverbs 11:29 warns us: "He who troubles his own house shall inherit the wind." Is your house troubled by hyper-scheduled kids and too little quiet time as a family?

Segment Four: Trusting in God

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Do you ever feel that God cannot possibly take care of your children in the midst of all the temptations, tragedies, and trials of adolescence? This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I’ll admit that some days, I can barely stand to let my girls out of my sight, especially when I drop them off at the high school on the same day that I have read the terrifying headlines in the newspaper first thing in the morning.There is simply too much danger and I want to keep them right by me. So, I turn to Daniel 6:23, where it says that "Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no injury whatever was found on him, because he had trusted in his God." Think about that…no injury, and all because he had trusted in "his God", a God that Daniel believed was personally committed to his child’s well being. On days when life seems too scary to let you teenagers out of sight, ask Your God, the one that you and I claim as our Savior to shut the mouths of every lion…the lion of disease…the lion of danger…the lion of violence…the lion of alcohol and drugs…and the lion of the occult that circle out young people, and then step back to give Him praise as our children emerge unscathed from the dens of our local high schools.

Segment Five: Traveling Parents

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. If you are a working parent, whether a mom or dad, chances are that you will have to travel for business at least once in the next three month period. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and business travel, especially for mothers, is stressful. We worry that something will happen while we are away or that something will happen to us, to separate us from our families. Experts call the unique stress that accompanies business travel : liminality, a term for a strange kind of "limited existence" when you are between places. You are not at home, nor at work. You are not in control of your kids nor your spouse nor even of the time that the airplane will stop circling Atlanta and land. You are not in control and working mothers hate that. In order to keep you mind and spirit sane during business travel, here are a few hints. 1) Make the travel your choice. Set it up carefully and plan to be away less than 48 hours if you can. 2) Bring a few reminders of your children. I often wear my silver charm necklace with its two "little girl" charms, even though I have teenagers. Finally, meditate on Deuteronomy 8:18: "Remember ,the Lord your God, for it is He who is giving you the power to make wealth." If God is blessing your work, then He will take care of your family. You were always in a state of liminality, even with your feet on the ground, because God is in control.

Segment Six: Staying Faithful

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. After being married more than 20 years, I find myself in a growing minority. I am still crazy about my husband and I love being married. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I believe that staying happily married can be accomplished if one adheres to Proverbs 5:15: "Drink water from your own cistern, and fresh water from your own well." The passage goes on to warn men to "rejoice in the wife of your youth." This passage is literally about staying sexually faithful, and that is a given, but what about the hidden meaning? Do you still think of your spouse as refreshment, like water from a cistern? Do you go out of your way to refresh him or her? With humor? With surprises? With shared interests and mutual support? Marriages, like people, get tired, unless they are refreshed from without and within. If your spouse is beginning to look and sound boring to you, it may be because you are not a source of refreshment to him or her. Remember, you cannot control another person’s behavior, but you can influence it with your own. Today, stop and do something refreshing for your marriage and watch the youth come back into it.

Segment Seven: Mother Goose Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Did you know that the first day of May has been set aside as International Mother Goose Day? It is a wonderful opportunity to re-commit yourself to reading aloud to your children every day, and nursery rhymes are a perfect way to start. This is Dr.Linda Karges-Bone and here are some fun ways to celebrate Mother Goose Day with your children. Make an audio tape of mom or dad reading favorite rhymes so that children can listen whenever they wish. Visit the website of the official Mother Goose Society at http://www.blalc.org

and join in a national event. Take your children to see some real geese at a pond or lake. Create snacks based on favorite rhymes, such as pumpkin bread to go with "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater", or dress up like favorite characters and have a parade at pre-school. Memorizing rhymes can help to build language fluency and auditory discrimination skills in children. For an added treat, visit my website at the Charleston Southern University page csuniv.edu and find a special story called "Mother Goose on the Loose" that I wrote to help my youngest listeners enjoy this special day.

Segment Eight: Evolution

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. Recently, the state of Kansas has been caught up in an educational storm not unlike the violent tornadoes that are known to whirl across the plains. It is all over a simple change that was proposed in the state’s science curriculum. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and the curriculum change was a proposal to delete a test item on the state science exam, dealing with the theory of evolution. If this test item were deleted, it would free state schools from having to teach evolution. The idea is to teach what the children are to be tested on. Nobody said that evolution could not be taught nor that creationism must be taught. It (evolution) was simply taken out of the curriculum loop as a mandate and left up to individual science teachers and parents to decide. A national debate erupted, with liberals screaming for reinstatement of evolution. As parents and teachers consider the place of evolution or, as I prefer to call it, change over time, in the curriculum, I invite them to read Job 38:4" And I will ask you, and you instruct ME! Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth! Tell ME if you have understanding, Who set its measurements, since you know." Answer that on the state test.

Segment Nine: Mother’s Day

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone and I love the season of springtime, because it is the season in which I became a mother for the first time. For the first time that May, I had a baby to hold in church during the Mother’s Day service. The joy and pleasures of motherhood are a blessing from the Lord, and a privilege for which I am grateful to my God. Today, can you honestly say that the joys of motherhood are on your mind, or have you allowed Satan to rob you of this blessing mothers, by leading you to focus too closely on your fatigue, your worries, or on worldly issues that won’t matter even a month from now? Don’t fall into that trap. Seize your moments and enjoy your babies today, whether they are five weeks old, five years old, or big, bossy, fifteen year olds. Get up early today and drive her to school. Pack a note in his lunchbox. Take time to read a poem or story together. Tell him that he will do well on the spelling test or that she will be brilliant in the class play. Proverbs 31 tells us that the children of an excellent woman will" rise up and call her blessed." If you desire that outcome, then begin by acknowledging your children as a blessing today and every day.

Segment Ten: Stressed Out Parents and Church Attendance

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 122: "I was glad when they said unto me, let us go to the house of the Lord."

This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and sadly, many children and teens do not know the joy and comfort that come from spending time every week, in the house of the Lord. The problem is, their parents say that they are "too stressed out" to make it to church. If I’m talking to you mom and dad, then listen closely. Did you know that the peace that comes from hearing the word is more powerful than any Prozac you might take? Did you know that the rest that you find in God’s presence is more healing than another hour of sleep on Sunday? Do you realize that the protection that your family is accorded by being in the fellowship of God is more important than any income or promotion that you earn through your hours of work? Finally, do you see that Satan is using stress to keep you out of God’s house and to draw you leisurely into sin and destruction. Proverbs 11:29 is your warning:"He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind." Are you troubling your own house by keeping your children out of God’s house?

Segment Eleven: Easter

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Easter is a tough concept to share with children. It is no wonder the Easter bunny, hunts for plastic eggs, and chocolate wrapped in pastel foil take center stage during this glorious season. For most parents, even Prayerful Parents, it is easier to hand out treats than to explain the complex story of the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of the Messiah. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and I do feel that most of the Easter story is too hard to explain to children under the age of 10, so don’t talk about it. Show it to them instead. One of the most profound images of my childhood are drawn from a memory of a devout Franciscan Priest, who told the story of the Passion to a group of children, as if it had happened that very day. He spared no detail. He relied on scripture, and I shall never forget his tears of sorrow, nor my own horror at what the Son of God had to endure. Neither will I ever forget the joy at learning that the same Savior rose victorious over death, and that I would someday share in that same eternal life. Tell the story of Easter, in all its pain and all its power. Add music and drama if you like, but tell the story. I’ll never forget the teacher’s voice when he read the words of Jesus: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." ( Luke 23:34) I think I caught my first glimpse of the unequaled love of God, that day, and I have been in awe of it ever since.

Segment Twelve: The Prayer of Jabez

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© I love the fact that Christian writers are hitting the best seller lists these days. A few years ago, it was Frank Peretti’s books, confronting the reality of the occult in our everyday lives. Then the "Left Behind" series seized our interest. I’ve enjoyed the fiction by both writers, but it is the reality of a small non-fiction book that has given me a spiritual pause. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and The Prayer of Jabez, by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson gives Prayerful Parents something to think about. Drawing on a now-famous prayer in the book of Chronicles, the book encourages believers to pray more directly and fervently. For parents, one line in particular begs our attention. 1Chronicles 4:10 implores God to "Enlarge my Border". As mothers and fathers, do we pray that God will increase the influence that our family might have on the community? Do we put ourselves in a position, as mothers and fathers, to influence other children and other parents, not with our beliefs necessarily, but with God’s light and presence so that others would draw near to Him ? Enlarging our borders as a family….an ancient prayer with very modern urgency.

Segment Thirteen

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Do you remember the favorite childhood folktale "Pinocchio"? The little wooden boy’s nose grew longer every time he told a lie. It became a popular parenting threat. "Your nose is getting longer. You must be telling a lie." Who would have guessed that this is true. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and according to new research done at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, when you tell a lie, chemicals called catecholamines are released, causing the tissue inside your nose to swell! The brain and body work together in an amazing syncopation, just as God planned it. Seriously, learning to tell the truth is part of growing up and prayerful parents give children guidance in developing this essential trait. Ephesians 5:8 instructs us to "walk as children of light" and that means telling the truth. Pinocchio’s loving father gave him good advice; just as our loving father teaches us.

Segment Fourteen

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© One of my favorite Proverbs is in chapter 25, verse 11: "Like apples of gold in settings of silver, is a word spoken in right circumstances. "This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and wise parents need to learn not only when to speak to children, but how to speak. Some of the most exciting research in child development and cognitive science is in the area of language. Infants recognize their mothers’ voices at birth and by 14 days of life, a baby will choose his father’s voice over another man’s. But what happens when this attentive baby reaches age 4 or 6 or 8? Clinical psychologist Paul Schenk says that parents need to realize that children in this stage are very "concrete" in their thinking, and parents need to be very literal and specific in their speaking. One wrong move is to frame orders in the form of a request. When you say to a 6 year old: "It is time to get to bed, okay?" Or, "Would you like to eat your spinach now?" The child thinks he or she has an option. Another trap is the word "should". The child hears you lecturing instead of giving instructions. It breeds resentment. Be firm and clear and simply say: "It is time to set the table". A concrete thinker needs firm language and few options. Provide that structure and your parent-child communication will grow.

Segment Fifteen: Diversity is Not Okay for Christians

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting© Diversity is a hot word for the millenium. In fact, one academic friend insists that "diversity and technology" will be the two most compelling factors driving educational and social change in the next few decades. This is Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, and while I agree with my friend’s observation, I must also be wary. You see, diversity doesn’t count for Evangelical Christians.This shouldn’t be surprising, since George Barna’s research shows that only 25% of Americans say that their philosophy of life is "Christian". I found this out the hard way recently. In one of my national columns in a teaching magazine, I commented on the occult influences in the very popular Harry Potter books. While acknowledging the popularity and style of the series, I also noted that parents might want to look for other reading material, since the books promote and celebrate the occult. I wasn’t prepared for the scathing letter that came from a school librarian, nor for the warning from my editor. My "Christian views" were not welcome nor allowed and my column was dangerous. I shouldn’t be allowed to write at all this reader declared. The irony of it all: I hadn’t even named myself as a believer in the column. The mere suggestion of a Christian world view is enough to make one a target in this time of open-ness and diversity, a very dangerous time for Christians.

Segment Sixteen: Poetry for Summer

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting. © Summertime is here and thanks to El Nino, it promises to be one of the hottest summers on record around the country. Kids are hot and cranky and want to be entertained. So pull out the wading pool, the sprinkler, and the poetry books. You heard me right, the poetry books. This is Dr. LKB and a marvelous, relaxing way to spend an hour is to retreat to a shaded porch swing, lemonade in hand and listen to mom or dad read poetry aloud. My girls loved to hear funny selections from an anthology of children’s verse. When Audrey was four, she would repeat this ditty by Ogden Nash, "the Adventures of Isabel." She liked the part that said, "Isabel Isabel didn’t worry. Isabel didn’t scream or scurry. She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up and Isabel quietly ate the bear up." In this humorous verse, Audrey learned to laugh at fears. Moreover, poetry is fun to read and it teachers children important thinking skills such as listening, auditory memory, auditory discrimination, and appreciation of literature. Proverbs 17:22 says that " a merry heart is good like a medicine", and poetry can make your heart merry.

Segment Seventeen: Patriotism

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting©. This is Dr. LKB, and this year, as in years past, we will celebrate the 4th of July with a barbecue, a day off from work, and lots of fireworks with the neighbors. Maybe I will make the red, white, and blue Jell-O dessert on the front of the cheerful women’s magazine. That is if my 14 year old daughter Carolyn will help me. I’m not a very good cook. Seriously though, as prayerful parents, we need to consider the way that we teach the concept of patriotism. What do your children know about the flag? I was raised on military bases and for us the flag and the sacrifices of patriotism were all too real. My dad’s 18 month stint in De Nang gave me a lot to think about. How real and important is patriotism to your children? Do they know the words to the National Anthem? Do they understand the concept of "one nation under God"? Psalm 33 tells us "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord." Too often we blame the schools and the media for our children’ s lack of patriotic values and everything else, but you and I know….it is what we do at home that has the most impact.

Segment Eighteen: Forgiveness in families

Welcome to Prayerful Parenting ©. Do you ever want to just move away from your extended family and live in some cabin in Alaska? Families are good, don’t get me wrong, but if your family is like mine…feelings get hurt easily and a Sunday dinner can send you scurrying for the aspirin bottle. This is Dr. LKB and family life is often stressful. I grew up in a big, rowdy Italian family, with lots of secrets, loud voices, and our share of problems. Some of our sagas make the Godfather movies look boring. Maybe your family is more like Leave It to Beaver, with no problems or disagreements. In that case, you won’t need this scripture from Proverbs 19:11: "The discretion of a man deferreth his anger, and it is his glory to pass over a transgression." What perfect, impeccable advice for me and for any one of us dealing with hard family business. We can choose not to be angry. We can choose to ignore a slight, a harsh word, a sin against us, real or imagined, and both kinds hurt. There is power in that verse, the power to choose to love and to turn away from anger. It is hard business, but I really don’t want to move to Alaska. It is too cold there.

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